Anti-Valentine's Day

A word about Valentine's Day, since we're still in February, and now that I brought it up in my previous post and opened that can of worms...

I hate it.

Or maybe it's just my single status talking.

I'm pretty certain that if I were happily attached and in love Valentine's Day would be a pretty awesome, great day.

Let's lay down some of the facts:

1) The day started out in history as the day that St. Valentine became a matyr in the persecution of Emperor Aurelian. From what I can read on Valentine's Day there are a lot of people named Valentine and I'll shorten it to one for the sake of brevity.

2) 190 million Valentine's Day cards are sent every year. The handwritten sincere ones, while still existing, have been replaced by generic machine-churned store-bought clones.

3) Valentine's Day is one of the most profitable, revenue-providing "holidays" in the world, behind only Christmas and the Lunar New Year.

Here's what one of my friends said, "What's the point in going all out for Valentine's Day? It's like you're saving all your love and money every day, and then on Feb 14, BAM! You release it in one shot. You think that's going to impress her/him?"

True. The guys who do that are complete nincompoops.

But they are the minority I believe.

For me, I'm pretty sure that if I were in a relationship every day would be a special, meaningful one, and I would try to always surprise my other half, keep things fresh, keep things exciting.

But then if that's the case, Valentine's Day would become a day to show the world your love. It's as if, before V Day, what couples did were secrets, the surprises contained only between the two people involved.

On V Day, that love becomes a cause for competition! Everywhere you go, you see them smooching, groping, screaming in joy, trying to outwit, outplay and outlast the other couple three steps from them, to win the title of Most In-Love-Can't-You-See?-We're-In-Love! Couple This Side of the Equator.

On that Monday of this month - I'll remember my FIRST Anti-Valentine's Day (AVD) for as long as I live - I was still recovering from a date over the weekend, which I thought went pretty well.

Then I found out he didn't like me and then he started avoiding me.

So I was in a crabby mood, and my campmate/good friend, who we shall call M, was also recovering from a weird online stalker.

We decided that after work, we would head out to the nearest karaoke place to sing our hearts out about our lack of love lives.

The songs? Loud, trashy, raucous rock - borderline metal - songs, which do not revolve around love or if possible, contain themes of heartbreak and rejection.

We tried, sincerely we did, to put together such a playlist, but gay people are to metal as Sarah Palin is to the Democratic Party.

So we kickstarted the playlist the only way we knew how:

Christina Aguilera: Beautiful, Fighter

Katy Perry: Hot N Cold

Beyonce: All The Single Ladies, If I Were A Boy

Avril Lavigne: My Happy Ending

But after a while we just gave up on the theme of heartbreak and fully gave into our instincts:

Taylor Swift: Mine, You Belong With Me

Maroon 5: She Will Be Loved, Won't Go Home Without You

Lady Gaga: Telephone

Rihanna: Shut Up and Drive

Britney Spears: I'm A Slave 4 U, Do Somethin'

Madonna: 4 Minutes, Ray of Light

Somewhere in the middle of Carrie Underwood's Temporary Home I teared up, mainly because the music video is so amazing... but also because I just found it incredibly pathetic that on Valentine's Day I was singing bad karaoke in a dingy part of Singapore instead of being part of the Couples Competition taking place all over the world.

I have an insanely crazy competitive streak, and I almost always never back down from a direct confrontation, and it was as if the Day itself were telling me, "You Lost. I only come by once a year and you couldn't even rustle up ONE date for 24 hours?"

Yes, I couldn't.

I could, however, rap like Jay-Z on Empire State of Mind (M was Alicia) and for a moment, just pretend that I hadn't grown up yet and that the prospect of love was of no concern to me; getting that A for my next Math test would be the only thing that mattered in the world.

But who am I kidding?

I'm still waiting for the one I can surprise, who will surprise me, who will kiss me on Valentine's Day for one second and say, "There. We won the competition for shortest kiss ever on this stupid, commercial waste of time."

And I would laugh, and we would have dinner, and the day would just be like any other.

What the Fuck.

Just received a barrage of text messages from the number 2200.

Some fucking random stranger just texted me with details of my name, history, tumultuous career in the armed forces (HAH!) and a proposition to go to a well known red light district in Singapore (stupid, because everyone knows the REAL action doesn't happen there, it happens somewhere closer to central Singapore).

Who the fuck is this person?

Anyone know?

Couples Envy

Sunday! 3.04 pm here in sunny, hot and hellish Singapore.

A recap of yesterday night! I went clubbing at one of the renowned AJ clubs in Singapore, somewhere along Neil Road - my usual weekendly routine of unwinding and destressing - and I met a group of self-proclaimed "fag hags".

One of my good friends and campmates knows the Fag Hag Leader in the group - let's call her S - and we went to the bar not far from the club to get high before heading in.

Here's a secret: I don't have many fag hag friends. The gal pals I know are either lesbian, straight and couldn't care less about gays, or are attached permanently to Gray's Anatomy (the textbook, not the show, although some are diehard fans too).

As the great diva Margaret Cho once said, "behind every successful gay man is an even more successful fag hag." (or other words to the effect). I know - how unrepresentative of me. So sue me.

But this was my first time hanging out with girls inside a gay bar and club and boy, what an eye opening experience!!

First of all, the girls were texting like crazy: maybe it's the whole tech craze thing but to a hormonal gay boy it's so weird to see no one pay attention to the hordes of hot guys wandering around with their other halves. Second of all, when they DID pay attention it was funny to see it become a reversed one-sided situation: now the GUYS didn't give the girls a flying hoot. Well, because they were gay, but also because most of them that I could see were attached.

Which brings me to my next point: where are all the single people?

Beyonce had it wrong when she sang that ubiquitous hit, All the Single Ladies AREN'T putting their hands up. Because I sure as hell couldn't see them when I went to the bar, and later to the club.

Everyone was hanging off the arm of another guy.

A recently-made friend of mine, a cute swimmer who talks as much, if not more than, me, just got hooked.
A guy I had a brief fling with and made me hook on to his every word and whim moved on at lightning speed and seemed so happy last night at the club.
A close friend of mine who is also a Geminian is very happily attached with a professional belter (singing, not the accessory).
Another friend who was, and is, still my first and only crush, had someone falling head over heels for him by the night's end.

It was getting sad to dance alone, with some random guy who eventually turned back to his boyfriend and mouthed, "Who the fuck is he?"

I guess I shouldn't have done the booty shaking part, a la J Lo.

Kidding.

S and I were later texting, and she told me that if I was "desperate" I should hit on my single campmate friend - off limits by the way - and I quickly corrected her. "It's Couples Envy", I texted back.

DEFINITION: Couples Envy, noun, an illness where you look at the successful, loving couples around you and feel a pang of jealousy in your gut and a sudden need to alleviate it by kissing the guy/girl nearest to you.

There's a reason why more alcohol is ingested every Valentine's Day instead of any other day. Look around you, and all those couples are smooching, kissing, groping, having all sorts of fun, and all you can think about is, "what is wrong with me?"

What is wrong that I can't find myself an other half?

"Couples Envy" hits every one, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, and even if you are in a relationship, you might find yours unsatisfying. Hence you might envy ANOTHER couple.

Dr. Cristina Yang has got NOTHING on my medical knowledge. Consider yourself warned. :)

Suck It Cupid

Welcome to my new blog!

I have honestly set a record for being the most jaded person at the tender but not so young age of 19.

The subject?

Love.

Yes, I've been keeping a lot of emotions bottled up in me for a long time regarding this touchy, abstract subject many a Lady Gaga/Madonna/Cher have written about, and I think it's time for a little therapy.

How is it possible to be jaded about love at 19?

I have my ways.

2011 is here, and it's time for a new change, a new start to make life interesting. Here's hoping this year will prove me wrong, that love really is forever, and that, well, there IS life after love.