Another Year, Another Chapter

So, Friday 17th June was my birthday.

And as you can see, the title of my blog has officially changed, pushed up one year to a whopping 20.

TWENTY.

The big TWO-ZERO. Not a landmark like TWENTY-ONE, but still, it signifies the upping of ONE big old year.

The times have definitely changed.

From June 2010 to June 2011, what have I learned?

One year of learning to cope with NS, one year to love and appreciate my friends and definitely, my FAMILY, more, and one year of discovering new things about myself.

How will being 20 change me?

We'll see next year.

I Pray Pray Pray...

...that I will find fulfillment.

Sometimes I go swimming, and there is this weird old uncle guy who keeps staring at me. He stares at other guys too, and though I feel disturbed by his leering, what I truly feel more is sadness.

I just saw him on the bus a couple of days ago, and we recognized each other. He saw me enter the bus and he watched me pass. Leering, again.

And I just felt sad AND scared.

Fulfillment is important to me.

Love, not just in a partner, but also in a child, a pet. A beautiful thing, a beautiful life.

I hope I don't become that old man.

A Little Bit Frank

Honesty is the best policy.

For most situations, not all.

I'm Not Usually Violent, But...

...I can't stand people who mistreat animals.

Just now I saw two KITTENS downstairs. So fucking cute... but so fucking abandoned! When I tried to move toward them, maybe pick them up, do something, hand them off, THEY BOLTED.

Straight into the gutter and away to who-knows-where.

Kittens, can you believe it? So adorable, and young, and already scared of the world.

Pissed off at whoever left them behind. (I mean to say I'm pissed off, but I guess the kittens could be too.)

On top of that, have you been reading the local news lately?

A local 13-year-old kid scams sympathetic owners looking to give away their dogs by saying he is a GRIEVING ex-OWNER, then GETS THEIR DOGS and SELLS THEM!!

WTF.

That seriously pisses me off. And his reason for that? "So [he] can get more money to go out."

I sincerely felt like SMACKING him in the head. I felt like just succumbing to my once-in-a-while violent tendencies. That kid will grow up to be a financial criminal. Or the CEO of a bank. Trust me on that one, it goes either way. Why can't you get a job if your parents aren't able to give you extra pocket money? Why can't you just save if you want to go out? Or even better... why don't you just stay home if you can't afford it at all?

Why must you come up with this stupid scheme that hurts those poor innocent animals?

I have never had an Ipod, and the day I get one it's because I've worked hard to earn the money to buy one, or I've saved up sufficiently. Currently I'm saving to get a camera. That's my belief, and I stick to it.

And then how about the random guy who got fined $50,000 because he took over a dog breeding facility and completely screwed up by being too cheap? He fed the dogs $450 worth of dog food when they're supposed to get $1500. He made them eat from one large bowl and OF COURSE the tougher dogs are going to push away the weaker ones!

I think it is absolutely deserving that he got $50,000 fine, which he couldn't pay and therefore is going to serve a jail term. This is because his reason for going into the industry was that he thought it was LUCRATIVE!!

Come on, people start breeding businesses because they genuinely LOVE animals and pets! You don't go into it with ZERO knowledge - because you're too cheap to educate yourself - and then ill-treat your animals - because you're too cheap to give them proper care - THEREFORE THAT IS JUST DUMB!!

I think he should have gotten a harsher punishment in fact.

Those poor, innocent fellows. I'm angry thinking about it already.

Ugh. I'm always for cheapness - in fact, I advocate it - but this is going too far!

The Real L-Word

Just recently started watching this awesome series called "The Real L-Word".

I never really watched "The L-Word" even when it was airing, so I decided that maybe I would start by finding episodes online to catch up with. But after hunting around, I couldn't find all of them, and there aren't even DVD boxsets of all the seasons available.

As anyone who knows me knows... I like to have my episodes all there and available so if I like the show, first season, etc. I want to watch them all.

So I settled on "The Real L-Word", a reality TV show modelled after the scripted one, which only had 9 episodes and the complete season was more easily available online.

(In case you're wondering how 9 episodes can form a season, each episode runs up to 60 minutes NOT INCLUDING commercials, instead of the usual 42. So it's a lot more length. Also, the 13-episode network minimum order is only for shows that want to make it to DVD production, so apparently Showtime didn't think this reality series was going to DVD anytime soon.)

(And the first season of Kathy Griffin's My Life on The D-List was 6 episodes long and it was fantastic.)

So I'm watching them now and I have to say, lesbians in LA go through so much drama!!!

First of all, there's just a lot more glitz. A lot more star factor, and that means that everywhere you turn there's a HOT CHICK. At the lesbian bars and clubs - we're talking HOT HOT HOT lesbian chicks.

So how would a single lesbian woman handle it? In the case of Whitney, this really fun, biker-chick who runs a prosthetics business with her good friend (and ex-girlfriend) Alyssa, you go on countless dates with countless people. And she takes it to the extreme - because she has sex with nearly all of them. And relationships with maybe 3 of them. Like a grasshopper, my good friend K might say, except a really REALLY hoppin' one.

Then there's the work. LA is one of the busiest cities in the world, with so many events and entertainment industries thriving. How would lesbians in a relationship handle it? In the case of Mikey, who runs an events management company and her girlfriend Raquel, a professional make-up artist, they find it hard to juggle both love and work. Both are workaholics, and they hardly get to meet up at all!

"All the party people, in the cluubbb!" Rose is a party animal, going out to the clubs and bars 4 to 5 times a week, but her girlfriend Nat hates it. Nat is a homebody, the kind of person that likes to stay at home and knit and talk about babies and love. Does Rose compromise, or does Nat?

What about the pre-existing relationships?

How does Nikki deal with her long-term partner Jill's friendship with her best friend Derek? Nikki and Jill are planning to get married, but Nikki is scared the bisexual Jill will seek comfort in her best straight friend Derek, who loves her secretly. (That's why I say, always have a gay as a male best friend.)

How does Tracy, a free, fun-loving wild spirit, deal with her lover Stamie's three kids from a previous straight relationship? Does she try to be the good "mom", or just a "girlfriend figure?"

Drama, drama, drama.

(from left) Nikki, Jill, Mikey, Tracy, Rose and Whitney

The Grace of Singaporeans

They say Singapore is a beautiful place, with friendly, gracious people and excellent food and weather.

I can see how Singapore can be beautiful, in a sprawling urbanized sort of way, a la Hong Kong. I can see how the food is excellent, and the weather can be really nice if you're lucky.

What I can't see is how the people are gracious.

Yesterday I was on the train, standing up, just generally feeling bored and hungry. It was a 20-minute ride to Harborfront MRT. So I pulled out a sandwich and took two bites.

In that time it took for 2 bites, a middle-aged man, late 30s, pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of me quickly. He tried to hide it but I confronted him. To cut things short, we had a loud verbal argument in the middle of the train carriage.

He kept insisting I was wrong and asked me if I was local.

I told him I was born in Singapore, and he went, "Well! So you know the rule! Rules are the rules!" and I kept saying "It was two bites, and you just want that photo to go on Stomp because you want the pathetic name and fame that goes with having people talk about you."

Which is true. You know these kinds of people. Looks ratty, scritchily nervous, and can't make a good name for himself outside if he was on his own.

In the end he declared that if I was so in the right, we go up to the train security and settle this. Of course, there IS that big sign on the MRT train that says "No Eating and drinking - Fine $500", so a smart man like myself had to back off.

(Which left a sour taste in my mouth. I hate losing.)

I don't deny that you're not supposed to eat in the train according to Singapore rules, but I find it interesting that I was taking two bites and that constitutes a fine-worthy crime. For information, in New York City subways, there is no such rule. People eat, and I don't see complaints about how New York City is the WORST place in the world!

A side note here: Singapore, for a long time, has had too-extreme, inappropriate punishments. The death penalty for a drug carrier, for example. Caning for things like graffiti. Singapore tries to establish itself as a country comparable to Hong Kong and New York City, with its global arts scene and concerts and architecture, but those are mere economic yardsticks. Morally, it lacks the willingness to forgive that can be found in other countries. Oh and it also lacks...

GRACIOUS PEOPLE.

Put it this way. It was two bites. A sandwich. I could finish the damn thing in ten minutes. Not a McDonald's Big Breakfast. Not a monster sub. Not a drippy-licky ice cream. My mom once told me she popped a Werther's Original into her mouth on the train once, and some woman snapped at her not to eat on the train.

People, please. There is pettiness, and there is pure ridiculousness. Don't you have anything better to do? Don't you have to earn some money, leave a legacy? Why are you going around picking on people and doing these stupid things?

Singaporeans follow the rules too much. "No Eating and Drinking on the train" means "NO EATING AND DRINKING ON THE TRAIN!!!".

"NOT EVEN A SWEET!!!"

No allowances for that, not even for a guy standing to one side, just minding his own business like me. How about if it was an old woman who looks like she was about to faint due to low blood sugar? How about Lee Kuan Yew? How about a high-flying lawyer? How about... a tourist? Since he clearly insinuated that if I wasn't local I could be forgiven because I didn't know the rules.

You'd better not fucking give me double standards. You want to pick on me, you'd better pick on a tourist too. Since the "rules are the rules".

(Tourists all probably know the fine attached to this rule before they step into this country.)

Look, I was just trying to fill my stomach in the void that is travelling time, which anyone knows could be quite boring. In 20 minutes i could finish a sandwich and be full for the next 3 hours.

Time, to me, is so important, a concept you clearly don't grasp if you decided to snap a photo of me instead of doing something more constructive, like thinking up a new savings or investment plan.

And if you decide to be such a model citizen and be so gung-ho about laws and social righteousness, then you'd better fucking hell make sure if a group of drunk Caucasians or rowdy kids are beating up an old cabbie you'd better go UP there and defend the poor guy.

Do you know how many times this has happened? A woman being mistreated by her husband in public. A poor handicapped man being taunted by a group of kids on a walkway. And yet Singaporeans only know how to stand by the sidelines and watch as the drama unfolds. NOT ONE OF THEM will go forward to offer their aid or assistance.

Instead, all they know how to do is, "EH!! NO EATING ON THE TRAIN!!"

The morals in this country are fucking flipped.

People in other countries need to open their eyes. Every time I hear, "Singaporeans are soo gracious and nice!" I think to myself, "You think? You haven't lived here for more than thirty days. If you do, you'll see the truth."

(Isn't it true? Before 2011, most of Singapore had never voted. And though he got it wrong - you CAN chew gum in Singapore - the BRINGING in of the gum in is a hassle, and they'll treat you as though you were about to commit a heinous crime. Have you ever tried to get through Customs with a plastic bag of Wrigley's?)

In New York, if you need help, people will help you. Because that's how New Yorkers are. In Singapore, if you need help, you'd better hope you have money to fork out in exchange for the aid. If not, they're just going to stand by the sidelines and watch you suffer. No matter how many times you call out, they "wouldn't want to get involved".

But remember, folks, NEVER EAT OR DRINK ON THE TRAIN!!!!!! (Not even plain water!)

P.S. I blame this FUCKING WEBSITE CALLED STOMP.

Encourages people to be petty and constantly be on the lookout for others' faults. It puts forth the notion that you can generate buzz and hype by being nitpicky and fast with your camera phone. You wanna be famous? Do it the Kardashian way and make a sex tape. Don't be a jerk.

The website isn't citizen journalism. It's a forum, yes, it's a place for famous bloggers to talk topics, but calling itself a place for citizen-contributed articles is an incredible misnomer. I have yet to see an article on the website that isn't about someone's food looking lousy or rainbows or eating on the train/sleeping in the Reserved seat. Petty like fuck.

P.P.S. You know that story about the poor young guy who didn't offer his seat up to the 63 year old overweight man with "weak knees"? Firstly, be gracious. If you see someone is in need, stand up and let him have it. Make people happy, comfortable. Make their day, not ruin it. Secondly, even if the guy doesn't let you have the seat, must you smack him on the foot and post his picture all over the Internet? Extreme reaction, much? It's all because of STOMP.

GRACE, Singaporeans. Please keep that in mind as you go about your daily routine today.

Cutest Dog EVER!

GOODNESS ME!

Too cute for words.

Dog's FB

Fun Saturday

As promised, photos of me volunteering at Red Cross!

The wonderful 7 values of the Red Cross, displayed prominently on the board.

Now, the wonderful thing about these core values unlike many others is that they truly apply to the betterment and improvement of humanity. Especially "universality", which reminds us that we are all human, and in times like the many disasters we have seen across the world - we all need to stand as one and support/help each other.

This is the Red Cross donation room. Very cosy, very comfortable, and there was food for the volunteers. This is definitely a charitable organization.

We see Siew Jin, the finance manager in the blue striped shirt, counting cash with Kyle, in the pure black shirt.

May and me. Her mother and sisters all came down to volunteer! Girl power!

May's mother, Agnes, and me. In a strange coincidence - her job involves her collating the surveys NSFs input into the card scanner at the cookhouse! So everytime you judge the cookhouse food... she judges you! Haha.

In another of God's/Powers That Be's little reminders that I am still in the army, this here is Siew Jin, the finance manager tabulating all donations - and she is a retired 1WO!

OMGZZ.

And last week I remember one of the staff there was a retired COLONEL, who asked me some stuff about my camp and procedures, etc. I really didn't tell him anything... cos IT'S SATURDAY! Let me have this one day away from the army! -.-

The very pretty Yun En and me.

So yesterday, there was no Mari, no Wayne, no Ivy... but even if they came later I wouldn't know, because I left at 3.

To watch one of the most epic movies ever made: Sucker Punch.

Really, my belief is that Zack Snyder studied everything that made past films big hits, took a little from each, and smooshed them together into one mega monster film.

Let's do the count:

1) Hot girls

2) Girls in costumes

3) Guns

4) Knives

5) Robots

6) Zombies

7) War

8) Dragons

9) Flying Machines

10) Asylums

11) Dancing

12) Burlesque Theater

13) Singing

14) Dream-in-a-dream

15) Item questing

16) Extended fight sequences

17) Bombs

18) Twist endings

And when they were done, he probably went, "Hmm... What should I call this movie? Oh I know... something totally irrelevant! SUCKER PUNCH!"

Yes. Indeed.

But it is really a fantastic movie otherwise. Not the most thought-provoking - no psycho ballerinas here - but it will definitely entertain and keep you happy for 2 hours. Oh and I'm definitely buying the Sucker Punch video game when it comes out.

Last thing that made Saturday awesome: I GOT HEADSHOTS!

I actually needed one for my resume and portfolio, but now I have three fantastic ones!! Thanks to CWJ Photography!

Yep! These are good times! The weekend passes way too fast when we're having so much fun!

Have a good week ahead everybody! Mine will be incredibly packed...

The Most Awkward Dental Appointment EVER

In the afternoon I went to my usual orthodontist/dentist to get my braces removed. Now, for a long time, I suspected my orthodontist, let's call him Doc, was gay. First of all, everytime I went, he would stroke my forearms in a... weird way. And he would ask things like, "After I take the braces off, let's still remain friends, okay?"

OK, but I never thought myself hot enough to be an object of his desire... just maybe that he was touchy-feely or something. Today, however, it all came to light.

Today I arrived HALF AN HOUR LATE because I booked out late.

When I entered the room, he told me, "Why today you so late? Later my partner upset that we're not eating dinner together."

I responded, "Sorry sorry, I booked out late. Got a lot of things to do."

Doc: "You care about your camp, don't care about me?"

Me: "Erm... no."

I sat in the chair, and he began to do his braces-removal procedure.

(I'm gonna skip all the boring dentistry parts, and get to the parts that made me incredibly uncomfortable.)

It started out innocuously enough:

Doc: "So do you have a girlfriend?"

Me: "No."

Doc: "Are you single?"

Me: "Yes."

Doc: "How many dates have u had?"

Me: *BEEP*

Doc: "So many? Oh no, I mean exes."

Me: *BEEP*

Doc: "Oh... Do you break hearts, or does your heart get broken?"

Me: "My heart gets broken all the time."

Doc: "I see... Are they older than you?"

Pause. What is he getting at? I'm not that flaming enough for it to be clear.

Me: "Yeah."

Doc: "All of them?"

Me: "Mm."

Pause.

Doc: "I see... So do you go clubbing?"

Me: "Yeah."

Doc: "Which clubs?"

Me: "Zirca."

Doc: "On Sunday night?"

Uh oh, he's testing the waters. Should I?

Me: "I guess."

Doc: "Anywhere else?"

Me: "Errr..."

Ah, what the fuck. How much worse can it get? (NEVER think that.)

Me: "Play."

Doc: "Ah! Play, yes, Play. How old is the oldest guy you've been with?"

Me: *BEEP*

Doc: "Oh, I see. So age is no issue for you?"

Me: "I guess not."

Doc: "What do you look for in a guy?"

Me: "Someone who loves spending time outdoors, loves sports, kind, funny."

Doc: "I see. Do you play tennis?"

Me: "I watch tennis, but I'm terrible at it. My best friend always beats me."

Doc: "Would a 40-year-old be too old for you?"

Me: "Um. We'd have to find something in common first."

Doc: "Do you like oral?"

(WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Me: "Um. Yes?"

Doc: "Giving or taking?"

Me: "Uh..."

Doc: "Are you No. 1 or No. 2?"

Me: "WHAT?!"

Doc: "Top or bottom?"

Me: *BEEP*

Doc: "Orh I see, I see... Yeah I guessed as much."

(Is it THAT obvious?)

Doc: "Do you want to go out and have dinner with me sometime?"

Me: (thinking 'Oh fuck') "I thought you had a partner?"

Doc: "No, I was lying to you just to make you feel guilty."

Me: "Right. When was your last relationship?"

Doc: "Oh. A long time ago. My heart got broken too. A guy your age lah."

Me: "19?"

Doc: "No. 29."

Me: "That's not my age."

Doc: "He bullied me. By the way, do you know about Grindr?"

Me: "Yeah. I don't use it."

Doc: "Why not? Where do you go to meet guys?"

Me: "Friends of friends of friends. It's all connected."

Doc: "I see, I see. Are you looking for a boyfriend?"

Now, I do suffer from Couples Envy once in a while, but I'm not desperate.

Me: "I don't think this would work."

Doc: (crestfallen) "Oh..."

Me: "Yes." (patting his hand) "You'll find love someday."

Doc: "Well, you have my number. If you're ever around this area, can give me a call, and I'll buy you coffee or lunch."

Me: "It's okay."

When did I start giving out such good faith? I'm still jaded ol' me.

Now take note, all this was happening AS HE WAS CLIPPING MY BRACES AWAY. He was standing over me, just working on my teeth, and I gave short responses because 1) I couldn't talk and 2) I didn't WANT to talk.

It was incredibly awkward, as you can see, and I don't know if I can go back there in a few months' time and not feel uncomfortable...

Lessons (I): Reading List

Recently, I've completed some books and articles on my reading list and started on more... My list seems to be growing, not shrinking. (But I won't complain because reading is the greatest joy in life!)

And I've learned a couple of lessons from them:

1) Steve Dublanica's Waiter Rant

What a fantastic read. Introspective, witty, and juicy, this book is a must read. The Waiter dishes on his experiences working in The Bistro, an upscale and chic restaurant somewhere in New York.

After reading it, I learn to never take my talents for granted, and to be unafraid of failure and falling. If anything, failure will train my resilience and hone my talent.

2) Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

Of course I had to read this. One of the most talked-about books in recent memory, Battle Hymn is an amazing memoir chronicling a self-proclaimed "Chinese mother's" attempts in raising her daughters to be stereotypically, the best in everything.

But there is a lesson to be learned: It is important that you work hard at what you love most, achieving a good balance between the Asian and Western raising styles, because a gift will waste away to nothing if no effort is put in to take it to the top.

3) Natalie Portman was also a precocious scientist

Did you know she made it to the semi-finals of an IBM scholarship science fair? Did you know she was a brilliant student of psychology and neuroscience in an Ivy League? And how about the kicker: If she had an upcoming appearance on Letterman scheduled, she would submit her paper early!

Lesson here: Never procrastinate, and always submit work early. Don't make excuses for yourself, your failures, and manage your time well. The great people of our generation have common traits that have led to their successes, like a great work ethic.

Oh, and also, it doesn't matter if you come from an artistic, academic or scientific background... performing and acting and the Screen accepts all. Encouraging thought!

What the Fuck.

Just received a barrage of text messages from the number 2200.

Some fucking random stranger just texted me with details of my name, history, tumultuous career in the armed forces (HAH!) and a proposition to go to a well known red light district in Singapore (stupid, because everyone knows the REAL action doesn't happen there, it happens somewhere closer to central Singapore).

Who the fuck is this person?

Anyone know?

Suck It Cupid

Welcome to my new blog!

I have honestly set a record for being the most jaded person at the tender but not so young age of 19.

The subject?

Love.

Yes, I've been keeping a lot of emotions bottled up in me for a long time regarding this touchy, abstract subject many a Lady Gaga/Madonna/Cher have written about, and I think it's time for a little therapy.

How is it possible to be jaded about love at 19?

I have my ways.

2011 is here, and it's time for a new change, a new start to make life interesting. Here's hoping this year will prove me wrong, that love really is forever, and that, well, there IS life after love.