DEFINITION: Couples Envy, noun, an illness where you look at the successful, loving couples around you and feel a pang of jealousy in your gut and a sudden need to alleviate it by kissing the guy/girl nearest to you.
(But no, I did not kiss anyone near me. First of all I was drunk from Bluespin, which inhibits me actually, and Issac - if ur reading this - do not drink it ANYMORE EVER AGAIN. And secondly I have self-restraint and dignity.)
But last night's Couples Envy was way worse, 'cos Melvin, who used to be my other Swingin' Single Sister (SSS), is now (semi-)attached!
DEFINITION: Swingin' Single Sister, or SSS, noun, a friend who is supposed to be perennially-unattached, a person whom you can bitch with regarding all those couples openly displaying their affections everywhere.
But yesterday! Fuck, man, Melvin joined the dark side! He flipped his alliance! He became a member of that group I mock so openly and cruelly! Him and his squeeze were mooching it up at May Wong's Cafe, and in fact, so were Issac and Marco.
Each couple took up one of those big throne chairs to make out, while I, the wondrous fifth wheel, had to proclaim, "I have a throne chair to myself, so both of you lovey-dovey couples can SUCK IT!" And then I proceeded to flip them all off.
So much for dignity.
It was deja vu all over again, because this happened already ONCE before. Me, the only single person left in the room. I was like Jessica Biel in Valentine's Day.
So of course I had another bout of Couples' Envy, besides the bout of gastric flu I already had going.
Only this time it was worse, because my SSS, Melvin, HAD TURNED ON ME!! Betrayed the alliance. Destroyed the faith the covenant placed in him. Became untrustworthy. I almost put a fatwa on his head right there and then.
Of course I'm happy for him, but I just can't help but to feel jealous and envious. It's natural I think, because it feels as though I'm the last one on the shelf.
(At 19?! What a weirdo, I know, for thinking that.)
But of course, I'm not going to rush things. The Powers That Be have a plan for me, and nature will take its course.
Right now, my greatest concern is to recover from this nasty virus so I can be part of PA Paddle Championships next weekend! On top of that, my cousin's wedding is on Saturday! AS WELL AS Timbre Rock & Roots, featuring John Legend and Imogen Heap! I won free tickets from 987fm!
Will be very busy this Saturday! Time to rest!
Oh, and fuck love! :)
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