In the afternoon I went to my usual orthodontist/dentist to get my braces removed. Now, for a long time, I suspected my orthodontist, let's call him Doc, was gay. First of all, everytime I went, he would stroke my forearms in a... weird way. And he would ask things like, "After I take the braces off, let's still remain friends, okay?"
OK, but I never thought myself hot enough to be an object of his desire... just maybe that he was touchy-feely or something. Today, however, it all came to light.
Today I arrived HALF AN HOUR LATE because I booked out late.
When I entered the room, he told me, "Why today you so late? Later my partner upset that we're not eating dinner together."
I responded, "Sorry sorry, I booked out late. Got a lot of things to do."
Doc: "You care about your camp, don't care about me?"
Me: "Erm... no."
I sat in the chair, and he began to do his braces-removal procedure.
(I'm gonna skip all the boring dentistry parts, and get to the parts that made me incredibly uncomfortable.)
It started out innocuously enough:
Doc: "So do you have a girlfriend?"
Me: "No."
Doc: "Are you single?"
Me: "Yes."
Doc: "How many dates have u had?"
Me: *BEEP*
Doc: "So many? Oh no, I mean exes."
Me: *BEEP*
Doc: "Oh... Do you break hearts, or does your heart get broken?"
Me: "My heart gets broken all the time."
Doc: "I see... Are they older than you?"
Pause. What is he getting at? I'm not that flaming enough for it to be clear.
Me: "Yeah."
Doc: "All of them?"
Me: "Mm."
Pause.
Doc: "I see... So do you go clubbing?"
Me: "Yeah."
Doc: "Which clubs?"
Me: "Zirca."
Doc: "On Sunday night?"
Uh oh, he's testing the waters. Should I?
Me: "I guess."
Doc: "Anywhere else?"
Me: "Errr..."
Ah, what the fuck. How much worse can it get? (NEVER think that.)
Me: "Play."
Doc: "Ah! Play, yes, Play. How old is the oldest guy you've been with?"
Me: *BEEP*
Doc: "Oh, I see. So age is no issue for you?"
Me: "I guess not."
Doc: "What do you look for in a guy?"
Me: "Someone who loves spending time outdoors, loves sports, kind, funny."
Doc: "I see. Do you play tennis?"
Me: "I watch tennis, but I'm terrible at it. My best friend always beats me."
Doc: "Would a 40-year-old be too old for you?"
Me: "Um. We'd have to find something in common first."
Doc: "Do you like oral?"
(WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Me: "Um. Yes?"
Doc: "Giving or taking?"
Me: "Uh..."
Doc: "Are you No. 1 or No. 2?"
Me: "WHAT?!"
Doc: "Top or bottom?"
Me: *BEEP*
Doc: "Orh I see, I see... Yeah I guessed as much."
(Is it THAT obvious?)
Doc: "Do you want to go out and have dinner with me sometime?"
Me: (thinking 'Oh fuck') "I thought you had a partner?"
Doc: "No, I was lying to you just to make you feel guilty."
Me: "Right. When was your last relationship?"
Doc: "Oh. A long time ago. My heart got broken too. A guy your age lah."
Me: "19?"
Doc: "No. 29."
Me: "That's not my age."
Doc: "He bullied me. By the way, do you know about Grindr?"
Me: "Yeah. I don't use it."
Doc: "Why not? Where do you go to meet guys?"
Me: "Friends of friends of friends. It's all connected."
Doc: "I see, I see. Are you looking for a boyfriend?"
Now, I do suffer from Couples Envy once in a while, but I'm not desperate.
Me: "I don't think this would work."
Doc: (crestfallen) "Oh..."
Me: "Yes." (patting his hand) "You'll find love someday."
Doc: "Well, you have my number. If you're ever around this area, can give me a call, and I'll buy you coffee or lunch."
Me: "It's okay."
When did I start giving out such good faith? I'm still jaded ol' me.
Now take note, all this was happening AS HE WAS CLIPPING MY BRACES AWAY. He was standing over me, just working on my teeth, and I gave short responses because 1) I couldn't talk and 2) I didn't WANT to talk.
It was incredibly awkward, as you can see, and I don't know if I can go back there in a few months' time and not feel uncomfortable...
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