A few months ago, I went on a date with a guy who, at first glance, was okay. Not a fantastic looker, not a charmer, no usual wicked sense of humor that I enjoy. Basically, not much going for him that attracted me.
But I agreed to go out on a date with him cos when he asked me, I was FUCKING HAMMERED. It was a Friday night, I had drunk a lot, I was at the club, and I was spinning rather wildly around in my pathetic excuse for dancing. I was pining for someone that had recently ditched me rather unceremoniously, and in a sense, I just needed to go out with someone else that wasn't my usual "type".
(Like a rebound, but one which I had a feeling might work out if he turned out to be more than that first impression.) So I was flattered when he said I looked cute, and I thought I would give it a shot.
So to cut a long story short, the date went pretty uneventfully, I was incredibly unimpressed and bored, but by some horny miracle of a chance, we ended up fooling around.
We wrapped it up nicely, and later had dinner and dessert at NYDC, where he had once worked before while he was still in school and juggling studies and being a church counselor. Again, I was incredibly bored. But, hey, I thought, maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe my expectations are high. So I thought I would give it another shot.
To cut a long story short, on Sunday, we met up and fooled around again. I tried to say, NO, i tried to deny him, I basically tried to see if we could do something that didn't involve physical contact. Of course, something in the back of my head, a voice that sounded surprisingly like Cee-Lo Green's, told me "YOU A FOO! Once he's hit gold on the first date, he's not going to settle for anything less!"
So I tried to test the waters. I tried to have a little "proper talk", tried to maybe hold his hand. Nope. Nada. He got scared. And that's when I knew something was wrong with the Clingy Constant.
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DEFINITION:
The Clingy Constant, noun, an intangible value used when two people are going out. It is defined by finding the difference in the amount of clinginess each person exerts on the other. The lower the Clingy Constant, the more the two people are on the same page and are going in a good direction.
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It was somewhere in between the first and second dates that he added me as a Facebook Friend. And you know, FB is kinda the go-to place for all this now. Relationship updates, updates on your favorite celebrities, stalking of hot people we've seen in daily media, and general appreciation of your real, actual friends, online friends, and exes.
So fine, whatever. When he started avoiding me, and I had to go to a mutual friend to confirm what I had already suspected, I was pissed and hurt. Pissed because he wasn't a man about this. He didn't tell it to me in my face, or even do an emergency "Oh, my dog just ate a chocolate bar!" excuse during the dates, which would have been more obvious.
(And to be honest, in my own opinion, i had more reason to do the 'fake excuse' play.)
Instead, he did the "I'm not going to reply your text messages or attempts at communication" bit, which pisses me off because I don't know if that means you want to end it or are still interested but are too busy with camp stuff.
I was hurt because I hate being avoided. It doesn't hurt so much if you came up to my face and told me, "You suck! You're too talkative!" Let's be honest: I've heard nearly EVERY single derogative thing you could possibly say to me, and I've laughed them all off, ranging from the funny "Hey, what happened to your screw-on dick?" to the downright insulting "You're such a cheapskate!"
I've laughed them all off, and I've somehow built a defense mechanism that prevents me from getting too close to people. So when you avoid me, you make my mechanism go up. You make me feel worthless and not even good enough for that point-blank rejection.
Now, so after the avoiding bit, and I moped for a short while, life went on. Things got better.
Just now, I was on FB, typing in my best friend's name to wish him a good trip in Taiwan. It so happens that this guy shared a same name with my best friend. And to my surprise, that guy's name did not appear in the Suggested Friends list that pops up when you type into the Search bar.
I went and linked around a little.
Wow. Look at that.
He had UN-FRIENDED me!
BULLSHIT!
I think the Un-Friend move is the worst move you could possibly do to an ex-date or ex-lover. Here's why:
On my Friends list on Facebook, I know at least fifty people that I have never met physically in my entire life. And of these people maybe twenty of them I have never spoken to or interacted with before AT ALL, neither online nor over the phone.
Then there are the "Friends" from my school which I have met maybe ONCE. Maybe Once and they're in my list. I have not spoken to them since school ended, but there they are. Still there.
To UN-Friend me, you're basically telling me things got so bad we can't even "KNOW" each other now. We don't have to be BFFs, we don't have to keep a close connection, but you can't deny we did SOMETHING together. And yet what we did together, the dates we went out on, are so inconsequential that I can't even compare to the random guy who added you on FB just because he played a heads-up game against you on the Texas Hold 'Em Facebook game app?
Now THAT'S truly insulting.
(And it wasn't that bad, all right?)
Yes, I'm like Taylor Swift. Don't be a fucking jerk to me, and I won't talk about you. Fine, granted this is a personal blog with maybe 30-40 views a day, not a hit song selling millions of downloads worldwide, but my point still stands. And I believe that if I wrong you, I'll give you my very own version of "Back to December".
| Tell me why |
| This MP3 was found at Dilandau MP3 |
For now, however... thanks for nothing, my ex-Facebook Friend.
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