Pragmatic or Idealistic?

So, it's no small secret that I really, REALLY love Taylor Swift.

But the more I listen to her songs, the more I realize that she really doesn't have this thing in her called "Pragmatism".

I mean, she is pragmatic when it comes to her music and her image, but when it comes to love - she is such a sucker for a nice guy on the first two dates.

The things she sings about: the dancing in the rain in her best dress, the Superman that'll come to take her away, the best friend who'll ditch his girlfriend for her... all those things won't happen.

Or so I believe.

Basically, she's an Idealistic Lover. She has the perfect idea of who the One is - or should be - and she is willing to date guys who express interest in her at the drop of a hat. Just to find The One. And when it turns out he's not The One, she gets emotional and writes at least three songs about that guy.

John Mayer - Dear John, Superman, The Story of Us

Joe Jonas - Forever and For Always, Better Than Revenge, Tell Me Why.

I believe there are two kinds of lovers in this world: the Pragmatic lover and the Idealistic lover.

DEFINITION:

An Idealistic Lover, noun, is a person who thinks that there is only one true love, and the *SPARK* must be there, and sometimes he/she believes there is such a thing as love at first sight, and if there's no kiss in the rain, it's not a good future.

You can't have feelings for more than one person at the same time. It has to be ONE and ONE only.

There must be romance, no big fights or arguments, you have to test the person and he must know you close to 100% and you mustn't have any secrets between you both.

Basically, someone who has watched too many Jennifer Aniston/Katherine Heigl movies.

A Pragmatic Lover, noun, is on the other hand, is aware of his weaknesses. He knows people don't see the good in him sometimes. So it's more of "who will accept him"? It's not a case of taking the second-best, it's knowing that love can be developed and is not a case of Love At First Sight.

He may like two or more people at the same time. Hopefully he won't be a jerk by dating all of them - but a combination of their qualities that attract him would be perfect.

It doesn't matter if there are big fights. Arguments can always be resolved. You can keep secrets from him, as long as you come back, and your heart at the end is still with him at least 85%.

Most of us are more or less one or the other. We may have a few qualities of the other, but for the most part, we're either a Pragmatic Lover or an Idealistic Lover.

Which one are you?

PRAGMATIC:

"What you gonna offer now?"

IDEALISTIC:

"And I hope you don't save some other girl, don't forget, don't forget, about me..."

Which one are you?

I'm Not Usually Violent, But...

...I can't stand people who mistreat animals.

Just now I saw two KITTENS downstairs. So fucking cute... but so fucking abandoned! When I tried to move toward them, maybe pick them up, do something, hand them off, THEY BOLTED.

Straight into the gutter and away to who-knows-where.

Kittens, can you believe it? So adorable, and young, and already scared of the world.

Pissed off at whoever left them behind. (I mean to say I'm pissed off, but I guess the kittens could be too.)

On top of that, have you been reading the local news lately?

A local 13-year-old kid scams sympathetic owners looking to give away their dogs by saying he is a GRIEVING ex-OWNER, then GETS THEIR DOGS and SELLS THEM!!

WTF.

That seriously pisses me off. And his reason for that? "So [he] can get more money to go out."

I sincerely felt like SMACKING him in the head. I felt like just succumbing to my once-in-a-while violent tendencies. That kid will grow up to be a financial criminal. Or the CEO of a bank. Trust me on that one, it goes either way. Why can't you get a job if your parents aren't able to give you extra pocket money? Why can't you just save if you want to go out? Or even better... why don't you just stay home if you can't afford it at all?

Why must you come up with this stupid scheme that hurts those poor innocent animals?

I have never had an Ipod, and the day I get one it's because I've worked hard to earn the money to buy one, or I've saved up sufficiently. Currently I'm saving to get a camera. That's my belief, and I stick to it.

And then how about the random guy who got fined $50,000 because he took over a dog breeding facility and completely screwed up by being too cheap? He fed the dogs $450 worth of dog food when they're supposed to get $1500. He made them eat from one large bowl and OF COURSE the tougher dogs are going to push away the weaker ones!

I think it is absolutely deserving that he got $50,000 fine, which he couldn't pay and therefore is going to serve a jail term. This is because his reason for going into the industry was that he thought it was LUCRATIVE!!

Come on, people start breeding businesses because they genuinely LOVE animals and pets! You don't go into it with ZERO knowledge - because you're too cheap to educate yourself - and then ill-treat your animals - because you're too cheap to give them proper care - THEREFORE THAT IS JUST DUMB!!

I think he should have gotten a harsher punishment in fact.

Those poor, innocent fellows. I'm angry thinking about it already.

Ugh. I'm always for cheapness - in fact, I advocate it - but this is going too far!

Who Do You Love?

Who Do You Love?

Do you love someone who is exciting, spontaneous, lively, funny and loud?

Do you love someone who is homely, quiet, shy and loves to read than party?

Do you love someone who is sarcastic, bitchy, and critical of everyone?

Do you love someone who is completely random, but is actually thoughtful and contemplative?

Do you love someone who is proud, strong and confident in his skills and abilities?

Do you love someone who is soft, deferring, indecisive, and confusing?

Do you love someone who is kind, gentle, caring and generally nice?

Sometimes, you think you love a certain person for his type, a certain kind, but maybe it's not so simple. Maybe it's a combination of various types, across various kinds of people. There's no one else like that in your life, so treasure that person for everything he or she is. Don't think you can find someone else like him or her ever again.

Who do you love?

The Real L-Word

Just recently started watching this awesome series called "The Real L-Word".

I never really watched "The L-Word" even when it was airing, so I decided that maybe I would start by finding episodes online to catch up with. But after hunting around, I couldn't find all of them, and there aren't even DVD boxsets of all the seasons available.

As anyone who knows me knows... I like to have my episodes all there and available so if I like the show, first season, etc. I want to watch them all.

So I settled on "The Real L-Word", a reality TV show modelled after the scripted one, which only had 9 episodes and the complete season was more easily available online.

(In case you're wondering how 9 episodes can form a season, each episode runs up to 60 minutes NOT INCLUDING commercials, instead of the usual 42. So it's a lot more length. Also, the 13-episode network minimum order is only for shows that want to make it to DVD production, so apparently Showtime didn't think this reality series was going to DVD anytime soon.)

(And the first season of Kathy Griffin's My Life on The D-List was 6 episodes long and it was fantastic.)

So I'm watching them now and I have to say, lesbians in LA go through so much drama!!!

First of all, there's just a lot more glitz. A lot more star factor, and that means that everywhere you turn there's a HOT CHICK. At the lesbian bars and clubs - we're talking HOT HOT HOT lesbian chicks.

So how would a single lesbian woman handle it? In the case of Whitney, this really fun, biker-chick who runs a prosthetics business with her good friend (and ex-girlfriend) Alyssa, you go on countless dates with countless people. And she takes it to the extreme - because she has sex with nearly all of them. And relationships with maybe 3 of them. Like a grasshopper, my good friend K might say, except a really REALLY hoppin' one.

Then there's the work. LA is one of the busiest cities in the world, with so many events and entertainment industries thriving. How would lesbians in a relationship handle it? In the case of Mikey, who runs an events management company and her girlfriend Raquel, a professional make-up artist, they find it hard to juggle both love and work. Both are workaholics, and they hardly get to meet up at all!

"All the party people, in the cluubbb!" Rose is a party animal, going out to the clubs and bars 4 to 5 times a week, but her girlfriend Nat hates it. Nat is a homebody, the kind of person that likes to stay at home and knit and talk about babies and love. Does Rose compromise, or does Nat?

What about the pre-existing relationships?

How does Nikki deal with her long-term partner Jill's friendship with her best friend Derek? Nikki and Jill are planning to get married, but Nikki is scared the bisexual Jill will seek comfort in her best straight friend Derek, who loves her secretly. (That's why I say, always have a gay as a male best friend.)

How does Tracy, a free, fun-loving wild spirit, deal with her lover Stamie's three kids from a previous straight relationship? Does she try to be the good "mom", or just a "girlfriend figure?"

Drama, drama, drama.

(from left) Nikki, Jill, Mikey, Tracy, Rose and Whitney

The Grace of Singaporeans

They say Singapore is a beautiful place, with friendly, gracious people and excellent food and weather.

I can see how Singapore can be beautiful, in a sprawling urbanized sort of way, a la Hong Kong. I can see how the food is excellent, and the weather can be really nice if you're lucky.

What I can't see is how the people are gracious.

Yesterday I was on the train, standing up, just generally feeling bored and hungry. It was a 20-minute ride to Harborfront MRT. So I pulled out a sandwich and took two bites.

In that time it took for 2 bites, a middle-aged man, late 30s, pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of me quickly. He tried to hide it but I confronted him. To cut things short, we had a loud verbal argument in the middle of the train carriage.

He kept insisting I was wrong and asked me if I was local.

I told him I was born in Singapore, and he went, "Well! So you know the rule! Rules are the rules!" and I kept saying "It was two bites, and you just want that photo to go on Stomp because you want the pathetic name and fame that goes with having people talk about you."

Which is true. You know these kinds of people. Looks ratty, scritchily nervous, and can't make a good name for himself outside if he was on his own.

In the end he declared that if I was so in the right, we go up to the train security and settle this. Of course, there IS that big sign on the MRT train that says "No Eating and drinking - Fine $500", so a smart man like myself had to back off.

(Which left a sour taste in my mouth. I hate losing.)

I don't deny that you're not supposed to eat in the train according to Singapore rules, but I find it interesting that I was taking two bites and that constitutes a fine-worthy crime. For information, in New York City subways, there is no such rule. People eat, and I don't see complaints about how New York City is the WORST place in the world!

A side note here: Singapore, for a long time, has had too-extreme, inappropriate punishments. The death penalty for a drug carrier, for example. Caning for things like graffiti. Singapore tries to establish itself as a country comparable to Hong Kong and New York City, with its global arts scene and concerts and architecture, but those are mere economic yardsticks. Morally, it lacks the willingness to forgive that can be found in other countries. Oh and it also lacks...

GRACIOUS PEOPLE.

Put it this way. It was two bites. A sandwich. I could finish the damn thing in ten minutes. Not a McDonald's Big Breakfast. Not a monster sub. Not a drippy-licky ice cream. My mom once told me she popped a Werther's Original into her mouth on the train once, and some woman snapped at her not to eat on the train.

People, please. There is pettiness, and there is pure ridiculousness. Don't you have anything better to do? Don't you have to earn some money, leave a legacy? Why are you going around picking on people and doing these stupid things?

Singaporeans follow the rules too much. "No Eating and Drinking on the train" means "NO EATING AND DRINKING ON THE TRAIN!!!".

"NOT EVEN A SWEET!!!"

No allowances for that, not even for a guy standing to one side, just minding his own business like me. How about if it was an old woman who looks like she was about to faint due to low blood sugar? How about Lee Kuan Yew? How about a high-flying lawyer? How about... a tourist? Since he clearly insinuated that if I wasn't local I could be forgiven because I didn't know the rules.

You'd better not fucking give me double standards. You want to pick on me, you'd better pick on a tourist too. Since the "rules are the rules".

(Tourists all probably know the fine attached to this rule before they step into this country.)

Look, I was just trying to fill my stomach in the void that is travelling time, which anyone knows could be quite boring. In 20 minutes i could finish a sandwich and be full for the next 3 hours.

Time, to me, is so important, a concept you clearly don't grasp if you decided to snap a photo of me instead of doing something more constructive, like thinking up a new savings or investment plan.

And if you decide to be such a model citizen and be so gung-ho about laws and social righteousness, then you'd better fucking hell make sure if a group of drunk Caucasians or rowdy kids are beating up an old cabbie you'd better go UP there and defend the poor guy.

Do you know how many times this has happened? A woman being mistreated by her husband in public. A poor handicapped man being taunted by a group of kids on a walkway. And yet Singaporeans only know how to stand by the sidelines and watch as the drama unfolds. NOT ONE OF THEM will go forward to offer their aid or assistance.

Instead, all they know how to do is, "EH!! NO EATING ON THE TRAIN!!"

The morals in this country are fucking flipped.

People in other countries need to open their eyes. Every time I hear, "Singaporeans are soo gracious and nice!" I think to myself, "You think? You haven't lived here for more than thirty days. If you do, you'll see the truth."

(Isn't it true? Before 2011, most of Singapore had never voted. And though he got it wrong - you CAN chew gum in Singapore - the BRINGING in of the gum in is a hassle, and they'll treat you as though you were about to commit a heinous crime. Have you ever tried to get through Customs with a plastic bag of Wrigley's?)

In New York, if you need help, people will help you. Because that's how New Yorkers are. In Singapore, if you need help, you'd better hope you have money to fork out in exchange for the aid. If not, they're just going to stand by the sidelines and watch you suffer. No matter how many times you call out, they "wouldn't want to get involved".

But remember, folks, NEVER EAT OR DRINK ON THE TRAIN!!!!!! (Not even plain water!)

P.S. I blame this FUCKING WEBSITE CALLED STOMP.

Encourages people to be petty and constantly be on the lookout for others' faults. It puts forth the notion that you can generate buzz and hype by being nitpicky and fast with your camera phone. You wanna be famous? Do it the Kardashian way and make a sex tape. Don't be a jerk.

The website isn't citizen journalism. It's a forum, yes, it's a place for famous bloggers to talk topics, but calling itself a place for citizen-contributed articles is an incredible misnomer. I have yet to see an article on the website that isn't about someone's food looking lousy or rainbows or eating on the train/sleeping in the Reserved seat. Petty like fuck.

P.P.S. You know that story about the poor young guy who didn't offer his seat up to the 63 year old overweight man with "weak knees"? Firstly, be gracious. If you see someone is in need, stand up and let him have it. Make people happy, comfortable. Make their day, not ruin it. Secondly, even if the guy doesn't let you have the seat, must you smack him on the foot and post his picture all over the Internet? Extreme reaction, much? It's all because of STOMP.

GRACE, Singaporeans. Please keep that in mind as you go about your daily routine today.

The High Road

I take the high road.

I have never lashed, and will never lash out at you, unless you truly disgust me.

Not yet, not yet.

I don't get why we can't be friends.

Didn't we used to get along?

Still I don't contact you now, because I respect your space.

I wonder, what will your reaction be when I ask?

No, beg? You make me beg.

Time and time again -

Your mind works in mysterious ways, leaping across chasms of sense and reasoning.

Silly person.

Come, let's take the high road.

What's the point?

Recently, two of my extremely good friends have gone through break-ups. Very very violent ones, that resulted in sadness and tears and late nights and many text messages and calls. And another friend is in turmoil about his existing relationship.

What's the point of a relationship?

What's the point if all you do is spend your time, your energy, your money and most importantly, your emotions, on the other half, only to have him break your heart in an instant?

To date, the longest one out of these three couples (or ex-couples for two) is six months. Honestly. Can a gay relationship even last a year?

(Of course it can. I know a couple who has been together for 8 yrs now. And my old teacher from photography club has been in a committed monogamous relationship, nay, marriage, for 13 years now. I'm just saying...)

Is there any point to getting into a relationship? It's a lot to go through, a lot of pain. You'll still be sad. Already, being rejected on a date leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

If I want to cry, and be sad, at least I'd want it to be over someone whom I know will be sad and cry for me too. I want it to be over someone I have shared enough of my memories and time with to know it has changed us both for the better.

And you don't know if that's happened. You don't know if he's as sad for you as you are for him. If he loved you as much as you loved him. If things have changed for the better or instead, for the worse. And vice versa.

What's the point?

The (ex-)Facebook Friend

True story:

A few months ago, I went on a date with a guy who, at first glance, was okay. Not a fantastic looker, not a charmer, no usual wicked sense of humor that I enjoy. Basically, not much going for him that attracted me.

But I agreed to go out on a date with him cos when he asked me, I was FUCKING HAMMERED. It was a Friday night, I had drunk a lot, I was at the club, and I was spinning rather wildly around in my pathetic excuse for dancing. I was pining for someone that had recently ditched me rather unceremoniously, and in a sense, I just needed to go out with someone else that wasn't my usual "type".

(Like a rebound, but one which I had a feeling might work out if he turned out to be more than that first impression.) So I was flattered when he said I looked cute, and I thought I would give it a shot.

So to cut a long story short, the date went pretty uneventfully, I was incredibly unimpressed and bored, but by some horny miracle of a chance, we ended up fooling around.

We wrapped it up nicely, and later had dinner and dessert at NYDC, where he had once worked before while he was still in school and juggling studies and being a church counselor. Again, I was incredibly bored. But, hey, I thought, maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe my expectations are high. So I thought I would give it another shot.

To cut a long story short, on Sunday, we met up and fooled around again. I tried to say, NO, i tried to deny him, I basically tried to see if we could do something that didn't involve physical contact. Of course, something in the back of my head, a voice that sounded surprisingly like Cee-Lo Green's, told me "YOU A FOO! Once he's hit gold on the first date, he's not going to settle for anything less!"

So I tried to test the waters. I tried to have a little "proper talk", tried to maybe hold his hand. Nope. Nada. He got scared. And that's when I knew something was wrong with the Clingy Constant.

***

DEFINITION:

The Clingy Constant, noun, an intangible value used when two people are going out. It is defined by finding the difference in the amount of clinginess each person exerts on the other. The lower the Clingy Constant, the more the two people are on the same page and are going in a good direction.

****

It was somewhere in between the first and second dates that he added me as a Facebook Friend. And you know, FB is kinda the go-to place for all this now. Relationship updates, updates on your favorite celebrities, stalking of hot people we've seen in daily media, and general appreciation of your real, actual friends, online friends, and exes.

So fine, whatever. When he started avoiding me, and I had to go to a mutual friend to confirm what I had already suspected, I was pissed and hurt. Pissed because he wasn't a man about this. He didn't tell it to me in my face, or even do an emergency "Oh, my dog just ate a chocolate bar!" excuse during the dates, which would have been more obvious.

(And to be honest, in my own opinion, i had more reason to do the 'fake excuse' play.)

Instead, he did the "I'm not going to reply your text messages or attempts at communication" bit, which pisses me off because I don't know if that means you want to end it or are still interested but are too busy with camp stuff.

I was hurt because I hate being avoided. It doesn't hurt so much if you came up to my face and told me, "You suck! You're too talkative!" Let's be honest: I've heard nearly EVERY single derogative thing you could possibly say to me, and I've laughed them all off, ranging from the funny "Hey, what happened to your screw-on dick?" to the downright insulting "You're such a cheapskate!"

I've laughed them all off, and I've somehow built a defense mechanism that prevents me from getting too close to people. So when you avoid me, you make my mechanism go up. You make me feel worthless and not even good enough for that point-blank rejection.

Now, so after the avoiding bit, and I moped for a short while, life went on. Things got better.

Just now, I was on FB, typing in my best friend's name to wish him a good trip in Taiwan. It so happens that this guy shared a same name with my best friend. And to my surprise, that guy's name did not appear in the Suggested Friends list that pops up when you type into the Search bar.

I went and linked around a little.

Wow. Look at that.

He had UN-FRIENDED me!

BULLSHIT!

I think the Un-Friend move is the worst move you could possibly do to an ex-date or ex-lover. Here's why:

On my Friends list on Facebook, I know at least fifty people that I have never met physically in my entire life. And of these people maybe twenty of them I have never spoken to or interacted with before AT ALL, neither online nor over the phone.

Then there are the "Friends" from my school which I have met maybe ONCE. Maybe Once and they're in my list. I have not spoken to them since school ended, but there they are. Still there.

To UN-Friend me, you're basically telling me things got so bad we can't even "KNOW" each other now. We don't have to be BFFs, we don't have to keep a close connection, but you can't deny we did SOMETHING together. And yet what we did together, the dates we went out on, are so inconsequential that I can't even compare to the random guy who added you on FB just because he played a heads-up game against you on the Texas Hold 'Em Facebook game app?

Now THAT'S truly insulting.

(And it wasn't that bad, all right?)

Yes, I'm like Taylor Swift. Don't be a fucking jerk to me, and I won't talk about you. Fine, granted this is a personal blog with maybe 30-40 views a day, not a hit song selling millions of downloads worldwide, but my point still stands. And I believe that if I wrong you, I'll give you my very own version of "Back to December".

Tell me why

This MP3 was found at Dilandau MP3

For now, however... thanks for nothing, my ex-Facebook Friend.