The (ex-)Facebook Friend

True story:

A few months ago, I went on a date with a guy who, at first glance, was okay. Not a fantastic looker, not a charmer, no usual wicked sense of humor that I enjoy. Basically, not much going for him that attracted me.

But I agreed to go out on a date with him cos when he asked me, I was FUCKING HAMMERED. It was a Friday night, I had drunk a lot, I was at the club, and I was spinning rather wildly around in my pathetic excuse for dancing. I was pining for someone that had recently ditched me rather unceremoniously, and in a sense, I just needed to go out with someone else that wasn't my usual "type".

(Like a rebound, but one which I had a feeling might work out if he turned out to be more than that first impression.) So I was flattered when he said I looked cute, and I thought I would give it a shot.

So to cut a long story short, the date went pretty uneventfully, I was incredibly unimpressed and bored, but by some horny miracle of a chance, we ended up fooling around.

We wrapped it up nicely, and later had dinner and dessert at NYDC, where he had once worked before while he was still in school and juggling studies and being a church counselor. Again, I was incredibly bored. But, hey, I thought, maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe my expectations are high. So I thought I would give it another shot.

To cut a long story short, on Sunday, we met up and fooled around again. I tried to say, NO, i tried to deny him, I basically tried to see if we could do something that didn't involve physical contact. Of course, something in the back of my head, a voice that sounded surprisingly like Cee-Lo Green's, told me "YOU A FOO! Once he's hit gold on the first date, he's not going to settle for anything less!"

So I tried to test the waters. I tried to have a little "proper talk", tried to maybe hold his hand. Nope. Nada. He got scared. And that's when I knew something was wrong with the Clingy Constant.

***

DEFINITION:

The Clingy Constant, noun, an intangible value used when two people are going out. It is defined by finding the difference in the amount of clinginess each person exerts on the other. The lower the Clingy Constant, the more the two people are on the same page and are going in a good direction.

****

It was somewhere in between the first and second dates that he added me as a Facebook Friend. And you know, FB is kinda the go-to place for all this now. Relationship updates, updates on your favorite celebrities, stalking of hot people we've seen in daily media, and general appreciation of your real, actual friends, online friends, and exes.

So fine, whatever. When he started avoiding me, and I had to go to a mutual friend to confirm what I had already suspected, I was pissed and hurt. Pissed because he wasn't a man about this. He didn't tell it to me in my face, or even do an emergency "Oh, my dog just ate a chocolate bar!" excuse during the dates, which would have been more obvious.

(And to be honest, in my own opinion, i had more reason to do the 'fake excuse' play.)

Instead, he did the "I'm not going to reply your text messages or attempts at communication" bit, which pisses me off because I don't know if that means you want to end it or are still interested but are too busy with camp stuff.

I was hurt because I hate being avoided. It doesn't hurt so much if you came up to my face and told me, "You suck! You're too talkative!" Let's be honest: I've heard nearly EVERY single derogative thing you could possibly say to me, and I've laughed them all off, ranging from the funny "Hey, what happened to your screw-on dick?" to the downright insulting "You're such a cheapskate!"

I've laughed them all off, and I've somehow built a defense mechanism that prevents me from getting too close to people. So when you avoid me, you make my mechanism go up. You make me feel worthless and not even good enough for that point-blank rejection.

Now, so after the avoiding bit, and I moped for a short while, life went on. Things got better.

Just now, I was on FB, typing in my best friend's name to wish him a good trip in Taiwan. It so happens that this guy shared a same name with my best friend. And to my surprise, that guy's name did not appear in the Suggested Friends list that pops up when you type into the Search bar.

I went and linked around a little.

Wow. Look at that.

He had UN-FRIENDED me!

BULLSHIT!

I think the Un-Friend move is the worst move you could possibly do to an ex-date or ex-lover. Here's why:

On my Friends list on Facebook, I know at least fifty people that I have never met physically in my entire life. And of these people maybe twenty of them I have never spoken to or interacted with before AT ALL, neither online nor over the phone.

Then there are the "Friends" from my school which I have met maybe ONCE. Maybe Once and they're in my list. I have not spoken to them since school ended, but there they are. Still there.

To UN-Friend me, you're basically telling me things got so bad we can't even "KNOW" each other now. We don't have to be BFFs, we don't have to keep a close connection, but you can't deny we did SOMETHING together. And yet what we did together, the dates we went out on, are so inconsequential that I can't even compare to the random guy who added you on FB just because he played a heads-up game against you on the Texas Hold 'Em Facebook game app?

Now THAT'S truly insulting.

(And it wasn't that bad, all right?)

Yes, I'm like Taylor Swift. Don't be a fucking jerk to me, and I won't talk about you. Fine, granted this is a personal blog with maybe 30-40 views a day, not a hit song selling millions of downloads worldwide, but my point still stands. And I believe that if I wrong you, I'll give you my very own version of "Back to December".

Tell me why

This MP3 was found at Dilandau MP3

For now, however... thanks for nothing, my ex-Facebook Friend.

The start of a relationship - Part I

How does ANY relationship start? How does it blossom from mere acquaintances or in some cases - which I frown upon - best friends to partners, lovers?

I know there's no manual to this sorta thing, but I'll try to break it down anyway, according to MY OPINION:

Step One: In the case of a genuine love interest (and not just lust), it starts with two people approaching each other with honesty. Telling the other the truth about the past, about how they feel about each other, how they feel about themselves and where they are ready to go from there.

Step Two: Then it's about the communication. My friend Darren said this before, that the start must always be about the avid communication. How is a relationship - friends or partners - going to even get off the ground if there is no back-and-forth?

I know some of you might disagree. It might be clingy. No, clingy is when you demand to know where a person is 24/7 every second of the day and what he is doing. Clingy, to me, is when you plan your future with him including dogs and houses when you've just known him for 2 weeks. Clingy is when you insist on knowing everyone he knows.

All I want, is just plain old communication.

All I'm saying is, "Can we talk?" (yes i stole that from Joan Rivers)

Let's not even talk about the future. It's too soon for that. Let's talk about our shared interests. Television shows. Music. Fun things that happened to us recently. Clubs and parties. Cute animals we love. Let's keep the flow back and forth. Let's keep things interesting and ALIVE.

For example, I text you a nice little chatty bit about the recent book I bought, and I wait. Two hours later, all I get is, "Haha! That's funny!"

OK, so maybe you had valid reasons.

In the case of my best friends: You were sleeping till noon! (Hi Alaric) You were watching a South Park marathon! (yes Marcus) Your phones' batteries were flat. (Hey Issac) You didn't feel your phone vibrate. (I see you Melvin!)

Maybe, very simply, you were in camp, or hanging out with your friends, or watching a movie.

I get it, I understand. For example, Marcus is training to be a 2LT now, and I don't text him on weekdays. Yesterday I messaged him, and he replied back with a response I have come to expect of him. (Good luck in Taiwan man!!)

But as a potential love interest, all you could give me after that is, "Haha! That's funny!"?!?!?!?!

After two hours, after my effort in typing that funny bit out... you reply with 3 words that take all of 5 seconds to type?

Methinks you're not interested in being more than friends. You clearly don't think there's any point in replying. So therefore, something is wrong. Either I'm overthinking it or I didn't make my intentions clear in Step One.

Step Three: So I'll tell you honestly. What I feel is happening, and either you'll agree - "Yeah. You know, you talk too much. Shut the fuck up." OR "Oh no! I didn't think you'd see it that way. I just thought I would listen to you first cos one of us has to be the listener."

And I'd either apologize if I were really into you: "Oh man, sorry. I don't want to come on too strong. I'm backpedalling now."

Or I would thank you. "Thanks for your consideration! It's okay. I can listen too. I bought a new hearing aid recently."

More steps to come... as I think of them along the way!

Fearless

In life, it's so easy to get scared.

There are so many things that can happen.

"What if you don't make it?"

"What if something bad happens?"

"What if you lose everything that you are?"

And no shortage of people who tell you that.

I believe that is how independence is forged - by seeing the What If, and being forced to live and survive on your own.

And because sometimes you have no one to rely on... it can get pretty rough.

I wonder if sometimes you'll miss your job, family, friends, and the times you've hung out with them, because your heart lies here.

I wonder if you'll get scared because they're not around you.

I wonder if you'll have self-doubts and questions, because the path ahead is so unknown.

All the same... I agree with the belief that in life, you have to get out of your comfort zone, to experience something new, to live life while you are young. God knows I need to move to USA or Canada now, away from this country which I feel is too small for what I want to do.

(If only my parents would agree to do something about it!!)

It's a good thing to want to break free to change your situation. Great things have happened to people who just decided, one day, to pack, move and work hard toward what they want.

Just to name a few: Ashley Isham, Corinne May, Taylor Swift.

I think, in the end, you should just go where your heart desires and where you think is the best for you.

Sometimes it's better to block out the What If. Be confident.

Don't be scared of the unknown, just be cautious of it.

Keep your friends and family in your heart.

Think of the success you'll achieve and what you'll become after you emerge from this, like steel tempered by fire!

To you, I want to say this: Be fearless.

Fearless

This MP3 was found at Dilandau MP3

This Place About To Blow! (Part II)

As promised...

These are the photos we took last weekend while clubbing! (thanks to Issac's blog)

Before hitting the clubs, we headed out to one of the Chinese restaurants nearby for some supper for nourishment! They serve fantastic pineapple fried rice and Szechuan soup!

ISSAC and ME!

MELVIN AND ME (God what a camwhore)

IVAN AND ME... I hate my hair here.

The camwhore strikes again.

Why can't he make a proper face?

ISSAC WITH MARCO, his boyfriend

THE POWER OF THREE (will set us free??)

And... WE'RE IN DA CLUB!

CL AND ISSAC

MELVIN, what are you doing?

I love IVAN'S look here ("what shall I do next?")

Party Animals!

I think it was "On The Floor" got me moving...

ISSAC AND ME all tired out!

MARCO, IVAN, ME, and MELVIN

What songs do I love now?

Jennifer Lopez's On The Floor (feat. Pitbull) --> Currently Billboard No. 5 as of 16th Mar!

As well as my resident Party Girl:

Ke$ha's BLOW --> Currently Billboard No. 10 as of 16th Mar!

These are really good videos. J Lo's video is sexy and hot and shows off her chops at AGE 41, while Ke$ha's video is funny and hilarious! (note the mid-video dialogue!)

(Though of course nothing compares to Lady Gaga's epic videos.)

It's another weekend already? Time passes when you're having fun. Have a great weekend everybody!

A Funny Dynamic

Yesterday I was at another camp for a course, and it was only during lunchtime that I remembered my best friend was actually posted in that camp!

My best friend is straight, so it's a funny dynamic we have. Most of the gay people I know have only best friends who are gay, and their circle of friends tends to also be exclusively AJ.

Of course it's expected, because nothing bonds two people more than a common trait like sexual orientation.

But why make things so exclusive?

Can't a straight guy be best friends with a gay guy?

First of all, I have to admit I have some very un-AJ tastes. Sure, I love Lady Gaga and Katy Perry and don't get me started on the Wonder Girl Taylor Swift, but my favorite band in the world is Angels and Airwaves.

I love their fantastic intros, space-inspired atmospherics, experimental style and varied themes. What's more, lead singer Tom DeLonge was formerly (presently?) of another fantastic band Blink 182, and their current bassist Matt Wachter was also formerly from the great great 30stm.

My best friend loves AvA too, and we both attended their first concert in Singapore in 2008.

On top of that, we share a devotion to FRIENDS, and it's funny how we used to quote lines back and forth at each other at rapid speed. I love Phoebe most, while he loves Chandler.

That's not the only TV show we love... SURVIVOR is another big part of our shared entertainment interests. He thinks Russell Hantz's the best, I think Rob Mariano was a hoot back in Survivor: Heroes vs Villains. What a coincidence season 22 features both of them in opposing tribes.

We had both joined canoeing back in our junior year, and we both share a love for fitness and health, what with him being all tall and muscular and an officer-to-be, and me having a weird fascination with pull-ups. We've swam and just hung out at his condo's pool many times.

But go beyond that... and what do we have?

How about a support system?

At first, when I texted him about my relationship woes and troubles, he always ignored them. He would either not respond, or later tell me, "Dude... I don't want to hear about your gay issues!"

My response would be, "I always listen to your girl issues, so could you at least listen to my guy problems? You don't even have to give advice."

It was only fair! He complied with that agreement for a while, until finally he actually said, "OK, why don't I don't tell you any girl stuff at all, and you don't tell me any gay guy stuff!"

That hurt. So I couldn't rely on him to give me a good outsider's point of view when I had relationship woes. I realized maybe our friendship didn't transcend the sexual orientation barrier, which was tragic.

Then recently, I was getting over a really bad couple of weeks where I had been emotionally played. I drunk-texted him rather whinily at 2 am in the morning, something like, "Why doesn't he like me anymore? When he was the one who started this?"

And to my surprise, he texted me back, telling me something like don't be sad, and move on. And word-for-word, quote-unquote, "Just go date someone else."

I was really surprised. And let me tell you, nothing helps you get over heartbreak like your best friend doing a 180 degree spin on his head.

Not only did he absorb the gravity of my emotion, but he actually offered advice!

So... after four years, something finally gave.

Why is he my best friend? He knows how completely and utterly "useless" I am in the armed forces, but doesn't care. ("Hm, why do they still send you on course?") He knows there are better places out there for me. ("Singapore's not open enough...") and of course, he expects me to be his listening ear too. ("I'm gonna get a girl end of this year man hahahaha!")

What more could a guy ask for?