So, it's no small secret that I really, REALLY love Taylor Swift.
But the more I listen to her songs, the more I realize that she really doesn't have this thing in her called "Pragmatism".
I mean, she is pragmatic when it comes to her music and her image, but when it comes to love - she is such a sucker for a nice guy on the first two dates.
The things she sings about: the dancing in the rain in her best dress, the Superman that'll come to take her away, the best friend who'll ditch his girlfriend for her... all those things won't happen.
Or so I believe.
Basically, she's an Idealistic Lover. She has the perfect idea of who the One is - or should be - and she is willing to date guys who express interest in her at the drop of a hat. Just to find The One. And when it turns out he's not The One, she gets emotional and writes at least three songs about that guy.
John Mayer - Dear John, Superman, The Story of Us
Joe Jonas - Forever and For Always, Better Than Revenge, Tell Me Why.
I believe there are two kinds of lovers in this world: the Pragmatic lover and the Idealistic lover.
DEFINITION:
An Idealistic Lover, noun, is a person who thinks that there is only one true love, and the *SPARK* must be there, and sometimes he/she believes there is such a thing as love at first sight, and if there's no kiss in the rain, it's not a good future.
You can't have feelings for more than one person at the same time. It has to be ONE and ONE only.
There must be romance, no big fights or arguments, you have to test the person and he must know you close to 100% and you mustn't have any secrets between you both.
Basically, someone who has watched too many Jennifer Aniston/Katherine Heigl movies.
A Pragmatic Lover, noun, is on the other hand, is aware of his weaknesses. He knows people don't see the good in him sometimes. So it's more of "who will accept him"? It's not a case of taking the second-best, it's knowing that love can be developed and is not a case of Love At First Sight.
He may like two or more people at the same time. Hopefully he won't be a jerk by dating all of them - but a combination of their qualities that attract him would be perfect.
It doesn't matter if there are big fights. Arguments can always be resolved. You can keep secrets from him, as long as you come back, and your heart at the end is still with him at least 85%.
Most of us are more or less one or the other. We may have a few qualities of the other, but for the most part, we're either a Pragmatic Lover or an Idealistic Lover.
Which one are you?
PRAGMATIC:
"What you gonna offer now?"
IDEALISTIC:
"And I hope you don't save some other girl, don't forget, don't forget, about me..."
Just recently started watching this awesome series called "The Real L-Word".
I never really watched "The L-Word" even when it was airing, so I decided that maybe I would start by finding episodes online to catch up with. But after hunting around, I couldn't find all of them, and there aren't even DVD boxsets of all the seasons available.
As anyone who knows me knows... I like to have my episodes all there and available so if I like the show, first season, etc. I want to watch them all.
So I settled on "The Real L-Word", a reality TV show modelled after the scripted one, which only had 9 episodes and the complete season was more easily available online.
(In case you're wondering how 9 episodes can form a season, each episode runs up to 60 minutes NOT INCLUDING commercials, instead of the usual 42. So it's a lot more length. Also, the 13-episode network minimum order is only for shows that want to make it to DVD production, so apparently Showtime didn't think this reality series was going to DVD anytime soon.)
(And the first season of Kathy Griffin's My Life on The D-List was 6 episodes long and it was fantastic.)
So I'm watching them now and I have to say, lesbians in LA go through so much drama!!!
First of all, there's just a lot more glitz. A lot more star factor, and that means that everywhere you turn there's a HOT CHICK. At the lesbian bars and clubs - we're talking HOT HOT HOT lesbian chicks.
So how would a single lesbian woman handle it? In the case of Whitney, this really fun, biker-chick who runs a prosthetics business with her good friend (and ex-girlfriend) Alyssa, you go on countless dates with countless people. And she takes it to the extreme - because she has sex with nearly all of them. And relationships with maybe 3 of them. Like a grasshopper, my good friend K might say, except a really REALLY hoppin' one.
Then there's the work. LA is one of the busiest cities in the world, with so many events and entertainment industries thriving. How would lesbians in a relationship handle it? In the case of Mikey, who runs an events management company and her girlfriend Raquel, a professional make-up artist, they find it hard to juggle both love and work. Both are workaholics, and they hardly get to meet up at all!
"All the party people, in the cluubbb!" Rose is a party animal, going out to the clubs and bars 4 to 5 times a week, but her girlfriend Nat hates it. Nat is a homebody, the kind of person that likes to stay at home and knit and talk about babies and love. Does Rose compromise, or does Nat?
What about the pre-existing relationships?
How does Nikki deal with her long-term partner Jill's friendship with her best friend Derek? Nikki and Jill are planning to get married, but Nikki is scared the bisexual Jill will seek comfort in her best straight friend Derek, who loves her secretly. (That's why I say, always have a gay as a male best friend.)
How does Tracy, a free, fun-loving wild spirit, deal with her lover Stamie's three kids from a previous straight relationship? Does she try to be the good "mom", or just a "girlfriend figure?"
Drama, drama, drama.
(from left) Nikki, Jill, Mikey, Tracy, Rose and Whitney
Recently, two of my extremely good friends have gone through break-ups. Very very violent ones, that resulted in sadness and tears and late nights and many text messages and calls. And another friend is in turmoil about his existing relationship.
What's the point of a relationship?
What's the point if all you do is spend your time, your energy, your money and most importantly, your emotions, on the other half, only to have him break your heart in an instant?
To date, the longest one out of these three couples (or ex-couples for two) is six months. Honestly. Can a gay relationship even last a year?
(Of course it can. I know a couple who has been together for 8 yrs now. And my old teacher from photography club has been in a committed monogamous relationship, nay, marriage, for 13 years now. I'm just saying...)
Is there any point to getting into a relationship? It's a lot to go through, a lot of pain. You'll still be sad. Already, being rejected on a date leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
If I want to cry, and be sad, at least I'd want it to be over someone whom I know will be sad and cry for me too. I want it to be over someone I have shared enough of my memories and time with to know it has changed us both for the better.
And you don't know if that's happened. You don't know if he's as sad for you as you are for him. If he loved you as much as you loved him. If things have changed for the better or instead, for the worse. And vice versa.
A few months ago, I went on a date with a guy who, at first glance, was okay. Not a fantastic looker, not a charmer, no usual wicked sense of humor that I enjoy. Basically, not much going for him that attracted me.
But I agreed to go out on a date with him cos when he asked me, I was FUCKING HAMMERED. It was a Friday night, I had drunk a lot, I was at the club, and I was spinning rather wildly around in my pathetic excuse for dancing. I was pining for someone that had recently ditched me rather unceremoniously, and in a sense, I just needed to go out with someone else that wasn't my usual "type".
(Like a rebound, but one which I had a feeling might work out if he turned out to be more than that first impression.) So I was flattered when he said I looked cute, and I thought I would give it a shot.
So to cut a long story short, the date went pretty uneventfully, I was incredibly unimpressed and bored, but by some horny miracle of a chance, we ended up fooling around.
We wrapped it up nicely, and later had dinner and dessert at NYDC, where he had once worked before while he was still in school and juggling studies and being a church counselor. Again, I was incredibly bored. But, hey, I thought, maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe my expectations are high. So I thought I would give it another shot.
To cut a long story short, on Sunday, we met up and fooled around again. I tried to say, NO, i tried to deny him, I basically tried to see if we could do something that didn't involve physical contact. Of course, something in the back of my head, a voice that sounded surprisingly like Cee-Lo Green's, told me "YOU A FOO! Once he's hit gold on the first date, he's not going to settle for anything less!"
So I tried to test the waters. I tried to have a little "proper talk", tried to maybe hold his hand. Nope. Nada. He got scared. And that's when I knew something was wrong with the Clingy Constant.
***
DEFINITION:
The Clingy Constant, noun, an intangible value used when two people are going out. It is defined by finding the difference in the amount of clinginess each person exerts on the other. The lower the Clingy Constant, the more the two people are on the same page and are going in a good direction.
****
It was somewhere in between the first and second dates that he added me as a Facebook Friend. And you know, FB is kinda the go-to place for all this now. Relationship updates, updates on your favorite celebrities, stalking of hot people we've seen in daily media, and general appreciation of your real, actual friends, online friends, and exes.
So fine, whatever. When he started avoiding me, and I had to go to a mutual friend to confirm what I had already suspected, I was pissed and hurt. Pissed because he wasn't a man about this. He didn't tell it to me in my face, or even do an emergency "Oh, my dog just ate a chocolate bar!" excuse during the dates, which would have been more obvious.
(And to be honest, in my own opinion, i had more reason to do the 'fake excuse' play.)
Instead, he did the "I'm not going to reply your text messages or attempts at communication" bit, which pisses me off because I don't know if that means you want to end it or are still interested but are too busy with camp stuff.
I was hurt because I hate being avoided. It doesn't hurt so much if you came up to my face and told me, "You suck! You're too talkative!" Let's be honest: I've heard nearly EVERY single derogative thing you could possibly say to me, and I've laughed them all off, ranging from the funny "Hey, what happened to your screw-on dick?" to the downright insulting "You're such a cheapskate!"
I've laughed them all off, and I've somehow built a defense mechanism that prevents me from getting too close to people. So when you avoid me, you make my mechanism go up. You make me feel worthless and not even good enough for that point-blank rejection.
Now, so after the avoiding bit, and I moped for a short while, life went on. Things got better.
Just now, I was on FB, typing in my best friend's name to wish him a good trip in Taiwan. It so happens that this guy shared a same name with my best friend. And to my surprise, that guy's name did not appear in the Suggested Friends list that pops up when you type into the Search bar.
I went and linked around a little.
Wow. Look at that.
He had UN-FRIENDED me!
BULLSHIT!
I think the Un-Friend move is the worst move you could possibly do to an ex-date or ex-lover. Here's why:
On my Friends list on Facebook, I know at least fifty people that I have never met physically in my entire life. And of these people maybe twenty of them I have never spoken to or interacted with before AT ALL, neither online nor over the phone.
Then there are the "Friends" from my school which I have met maybe ONCE. Maybe Once and they're in my list. I have not spoken to them since school ended, but there they are. Still there.
To UN-Friend me, you're basically telling me things got so bad we can't even "KNOW" each other now. We don't have to be BFFs, we don't have to keep a close connection, but you can't deny we did SOMETHING together. And yet what we did together, the dates we went out on, are so inconsequential that I can't even compare to the random guy who added you on FB just because he played a heads-up game against you on the Texas Hold 'Em Facebook game app?
Now THAT'S truly insulting.
(And it wasn't that bad, all right?)
Yes, I'm like Taylor Swift. Don't be a fucking jerk to me, and I won't talk about you. Fine, granted this is a personal blog with maybe 30-40 views a day, not a hit song selling millions of downloads worldwide, but my point still stands. And I believe that if I wrong you, I'll give you my very own version of "Back to December".
How does ANY relationship start? How does it blossom from mere acquaintances or in some cases - which I frown upon - best friends to partners, lovers?
I know there's no manual to this sorta thing, but I'll try to break it down anyway, according to MY OPINION:
Step One: In the case of a genuine love interest (and not just lust), it starts with two people approaching each other with honesty. Telling the other the truth about the past, about how they feel about each other, how they feel about themselves and where they are ready to go from there.
Step Two: Then it's about the communication. My friend Darren said this before, that the start must always be about the avid communication. How is a relationship - friends or partners - going to even get off the ground if there is no back-and-forth?
I know some of you might disagree. It might be clingy. No, clingy is when you demand to know where a person is 24/7 every second of the day and what he is doing. Clingy, to me, is when you plan your future with him including dogs and houses when you've just known him for 2 weeks. Clingy is when you insist on knowing everyone he knows.
All I want, is just plain old communication.
All I'm saying is, "Can we talk?" (yes i stole that from Joan Rivers)
Let's not even talk about the future. It's too soon for that. Let's talk about our shared interests. Television shows. Music. Fun things that happened to us recently. Clubs and parties. Cute animals we love. Let's keep the flow back and forth. Let's keep things interesting and ALIVE.
For example, I text you a nice little chatty bit about the recent book I bought, and I wait. Two hours later, all I get is, "Haha! That's funny!"
OK, so maybe you had valid reasons.
In the case of my best friends: You were sleeping till noon! (Hi Alaric) You were watching a South Park marathon! (yes Marcus) Your phones' batteries were flat. (Hey Issac) You didn't feel your phone vibrate. (I see you Melvin!)
Maybe, very simply, you were in camp, or hanging out with your friends, or watching a movie.
I get it, I understand. For example, Marcus is training to be a 2LT now, and I don't text him on weekdays. Yesterday I messaged him, and he replied back with a response I have come to expect of him. (Good luck in Taiwan man!!)
But as a potential love interest, all you could give me after that is, "Haha! That's funny!"?!?!?!?!
After two hours, after my effort in typing that funny bit out... you reply with 3 words that take all of 5 seconds to type?
Methinks you're not interested in being more than friends. You clearly don't think there's any point in replying. So therefore, something is wrong. Either I'm overthinking it or I didn't make my intentions clear in Step One.
Step Three: So I'll tell you honestly. What I feel is happening, and either you'll agree - "Yeah. You know, you talk too much. Shut the fuck up." OR "Oh no! I didn't think you'd see it that way. I just thought I would listen to you first cos one of us has to be the listener."
And I'd either apologize if I were really into you: "Oh man, sorry. I don't want to come on too strong. I'm backpedalling now."
Or I would thank you. "Thanks for your consideration! It's okay. I can listen too. I bought a new hearing aid recently."
More steps to come... as I think of them along the way!
The worst thing you can do is become the opposite of who you are.
Not to mean you change 180%. Because I believe that is impossible to do. In the words of my Trash Drag Druggie, Ke$ha, we r who we r. From the start, you ARE who you are going to become.
But the worst thing is to turn your back on someone that loved you/liked you once. To remove all contact with him as much as possible. To be rude to him, not nice and caring. To ignore him on purpose, wherever you meet.
The person whom you broke up with/broke the heart of will watch from afar, wondering what he did wrong. And you will have left a scar in the poor guy's heart, a scar that might ruin an otherwise happy, great person.
In HAPPIER NEWS: Yesterday's BEACHBALL PARTY was fun!
Great crowd, lots of space! One of the reasons I sometimes can't stand clubbing is because of the mild claustrophobia I get in really enclosed, sweaty places. Think a Parisian department store with a winter sale in December. But last night there was a lot of space to just chill, relax, and even dance! I love the feeling of sand between my toes, though now there's sand EVERYWHERE at home!
Robin Scherbatsky was right: "Where is all this sand coming from?!"
However, a disclaimer to those who witnessed me get drunk: I USUALLY can hold my alcohol very well! At my cousin's wedding, I drank six glasses of red wine and white wine and I was still only mildly buzzed, until much later.
I guess i was full then - it WAS a wedding dinner.
Yesterday I didn't eat since 7 pm, and it SHOWED, because after ONE can of Holland's Extra Strong Brew I was out. :(
And unfortunately, there is photographic proof of my inebriation. COMING SOON!
Kathy Griffin said this in her book, "Official Book Club Selection", that is itself a quote from Joan Rivers, "You know, no one knows what's going on in a relationship except the two people who are in it."
So true, from two of my favorite comediennes.
Just now I was on the bus, and two gay guys came on board. It was heartwarming to see them at first, because they both looked similar to each other. What I mean is, they were both wearing black, both quite fashionable, tall and fair... basically the kind of couple that resembles each other.
But they weren't talking to each other. They gave each other mildly cold looks. And when one tried to speak to the other on the seats opposite me, the other kept ignoring him. And then when the bus stopped, the other guy got up and left, and the poor man followed him hurriedly out, grabbed his arm and they started talking in the middle of the street. Last I saw before the bus drove away was how... poetically sad it was.
No one knows what happened in the relationship except the two people who are in it.
Went out clubbing again, and for a change this time around, I DIDN'T waste myself! For the past two weeks, I was bouncing around, talking to random people, drinking abundantly, and before the night was over I would be more wasted than Lady Gaga's talent in Singapore.
But yesterday I regulated my drinking. No dinner drinks, no pre-clubbing warm-up shots, only an apple cider, glass of white wine and store-bought LIT before entering the club, and only a cranberry rum after I entered! Woohoo.
As a result, yesterday I was very lucid. Still, because the music was extremely good - David Guetta and J.Lo back to back! - I managed to dance up a storm with my campmate/fellow clubber friend M. Also M's self-proclaimed fag hag friends were there as well, and it was fun hearing them dish on the gay guys and lesbian fights taking place around them.
And, get this: Remember that date I spoke about in Anti-Valentine's Day? The one I thought was into me, but turned out to be avoiding me?
I bumped into him yesterday night in the club! I was totally gracious toward him. We're cool, man, we're cool.
But a part of me couldn't help wondering, "What went wrong?" As you know, I thought the date went pretty well, and so I almost bounded after him to ask, "Hey, mind telling me what turned you off?"
Thank God for Issac, one of my incredibly-good friends, who kept me from going after him and demanding an explanation. In the end I just let it go, chalking it up to one of those things that just wasn't meant to be, a myriad of misperceptions and misunderstandings.
We're cool man, we're cool.
See, here's the thing. I'm very much like a straight guy in the sense that you have to spell it out for me. I'm extremely EXTREMELY bad at taking hints, as many of my friends will tell you. I am terribly bad at assessing my surroundings, and I have to work hard at my situational awareness especially in cases where emotions are running high. In the end I am more likely to crack a really inappropriate joke that will either defuse the tension or make it 100% worse.
So if you are on a date with me, and something I'm doing isn't to your liking, you need to make it clear to me what I'm doing wrong. And by 'clear' I don't mean little "er-hems" that are supposed to mean something to me other than you have phlegm in your throat.
(Yes. I'm a blockhead that way. Think Phil Dunphy from Modern Family.)
Of course I'm not stereotyping straight guys. I know some who are very savvy at EQ, and are able to play out emotions like a member of a professional bomb squad.
But I'm not like that. I can actively change what I'm doing, shut up, or try to improve the situation, but only if you make it obvious there is something about me you're not getting. Otherwise, it won't go anywhere with me, and you'll end up still being frustrated.
And of course, I won't be able to read if you're not into me. It's a skill I'm working on - please do not forget I'm only 19 years of age - so I need a lot of spelling-it-out-for-me in this aspect. Don't start avoiding me, because then I'll start messaging you with things like, "Dude. Are you alive?"
Of course after a while I'll get the hint and back off, but it would really save me some time and self-doubt if you would just take the small effort to text back, "Hey. I think we should be friends for now."
I would text that to you if, on my side, I felt things weren't going right, so I expect the same courtesy. How difficult can that be?
Yesterday I was at another camp for a course, and it was only during lunchtime that I remembered my best friend was actually posted in that camp!
My best friend is straight, so it's a funny dynamic we have. Most of the gay people I know have only best friends who are gay, and their circle of friends tends to also be exclusively AJ.
Of course it's expected, because nothing bonds two people more than a common trait like sexual orientation.
But why make things so exclusive?
Can't a straight guy be best friends with a gay guy?
First of all, I have to admit I have some very un-AJ tastes. Sure, I love Lady Gaga and Katy Perry and don't get me started on the Wonder Girl Taylor Swift, but my favorite band in the world is Angels and Airwaves.
I love their fantastic intros, space-inspired atmospherics, experimental style and varied themes. What's more, lead singer Tom DeLonge was formerly (presently?) of another fantastic band Blink 182, and their current bassist Matt Wachter was also formerly from the great great 30stm.
My best friend loves AvA too, and we both attended their first concert in Singapore in 2008.
On top of that, we share a devotion to FRIENDS, and it's funny how we used to quote lines back and forth at each other at rapid speed. I love Phoebe most, while he loves Chandler.
That's not the only TV show we love... SURVIVOR is another big part of our shared entertainment interests. He thinks Russell Hantz's the best, I think Rob Mariano was a hoot back in Survivor: Heroes vs Villains. What a coincidence season 22 features both of them in opposing tribes.
We had both joined canoeing back in our junior year, and we both share a love for fitness and health, what with him being all tall and muscular and an officer-to-be, and me having a weird fascination with pull-ups. We've swam and just hung out at his condo's pool many times.
But go beyond that... and what do we have?
How about a support system?
At first, when I texted him about my relationship woes and troubles, he always ignored them. He would either not respond, or later tell me, "Dude... I don't want to hear about your gay issues!"
My response would be, "I always listen to your girl issues, so could you at least listen to my guy problems? You don't even have to give advice."
It was only fair! He complied with that agreement for a while, until finally he actually said, "OK, why don't I don't tell you any girl stuff at all, and you don't tell me any gay guy stuff!"
That hurt. So I couldn't rely on him to give me a good outsider's point of view when I had relationship woes. I realized maybe our friendship didn't transcend the sexual orientation barrier, which was tragic.
Then recently, I was getting over a really bad couple of weeks where I had been emotionally played. I drunk-texted him rather whinily at 2 am in the morning, something like, "Why doesn't he like me anymore? When he was the one who started this?"
And to my surprise, he texted me back, telling me something like don't be sad, and move on. And word-for-word, quote-unquote, "Just go date someone else."
I was really surprised. And let me tell you, nothing helps you get over heartbreak like your best friend doing a 180 degree spin on his head.
Not only did he absorb the gravity of my emotion, but he actually offered advice!
So... after four years, something finally gave.
Why is he my best friend? He knows how completely and utterly "useless" I am in the armed forces, but doesn't care. ("Hm, why do they still send you on course?") He knows there are better places out there for me. ("Singapore's not open enough...") and of course, he expects me to be his listening ear too. ("I'm gonna get a girl end of this year man hahahaha!")
Since Academy Award buzz is still up over the Web...
I managed to finish watching The Kids Are All Right (one of the 10 pictures nominated for Best Picture which eventually went to The King's Speech) over this weekend, and after watching it, I feel a great deal of emotion, regarding both the film and Singapore's decision to censor it in Singapore, giving it an R21 rating and a "one print" restriction.
Yes, I have managed to watch it still - don't ask me how - and after watching it, I have two thoughts: disgusted at Singapore's censorship laws and marvelling at the beauty of the relationship between Nic and Jules in the film.
It is so difficult to start a relationship, be in a relationship, let alone maintain it for 18 years, which is how old the daughter in the film, Joni, is. The movie celebrates such a relationship, from the little ways Nic and Jules poke fun at each other, have oral sex, have dinner around the table, etc.
It also warns of the pitfalls of such a long relationship, from the eventual staleness of sex, to feeling unappreciated, to looking at your partner, and sometimes just feeling... nothing.
Recently, my one and only crush - whom we shall call K - celebrated his 21st birthday, and at the dinner at a Japanese restaurant we met two of his friends, who have been together for 8 years.
EIGHT YEARS.
(Yes, I am nineteen, so eight years is a relatively long time for me.)
And during the dinner, they still looked at each other lovingly, playfully poked each other's arm once in a while, and presented K's birthday gift to him together...
I was so amazed.
What went through my head was how much work it takes to maintain a successful relationship, to be attached to each other through time and rough times and poor decisions. And for those who work hard, and put in the effort, it really does pay off.
What makes this tougher for gay guys more so than lesbian women - and this is a well-known fact - is that guys are hornier. The topic of "sex" is always on our minds, and after 8 years, it would really take a lot of effort to still consistently surprise and satisfy your partner, keeping him with you and not let him be drawn to other people.
And yet, even though the couple in The Kids Are All Right face the same challenges, somehow they manage to come out, pun intended, all right. It truly is a feel-good movie for the family.
But Singapore's censorship board has said it "promotes and normalises a homosexual lifestyle", finding fault with the normalcy in which the lesbian family in the movie goes through daily life. What is wrong with that?
Joni has to grow up, go to college, her younger brother Laser has to deal with bad company and like any married couple, Jules and Nic have to juggle their relationship, their careers, and parenthood.
If anything, it is beautiful that they go through their troubles like any other couple - showing the world that yes, their family is no different from anyone else's.
It is sad and insulting that Singapore's censors have chosen to again hide the beautiful portrayal of a same-sex relationship through bigoted conservatism and poorly-considered restrictions.
Look at how Jules and Nic watch television together. Look at how they make decisions about their kids, go shopping for groceries, have dinner with their mutual friends, laugh and cry together. If you tell me you don't find it heartwarming, you have no heart.
Why censor it otherwise?
In fact, I was so emotionally invested in the film, I must say I felt a little jealous as I watched it...
Yes! I got stricken with Couples Envy... of a fictional gay couple!
And that's because that is where I want to eventually see myself: spending the rest of my life with the love of my life.
Choosing our friend's birthday gift together. Reading in bed next to him. Watching a fancy self-congratulatory awards show during dinner with him, where we'll both criticize the horrible fashion choices of some of the A-listers. Not that my fashion choices are any better.
And of course, I want to fight with him too, disagree with him, and having to put in the effort to make our relationship stronger. What is true love without a few problems along the way? If he is your true love, these problems are the ones that can be resolved... so work hard, and resolve them.
And in the end, things, hopefully, will be all right. :)
A word about Valentine's Day, since we're still in February, and now that I brought it up in my previous post and opened that can of worms...
I hate it.
Or maybe it's just my single status talking.
I'm pretty certain that if I were happily attached and in love Valentine's Day would be a pretty awesome, great day.
Let's lay down some of the facts:
1) The day started out in history as the day that St. Valentine became a matyr in the persecution of Emperor Aurelian. From what I can read on Valentine's Day there are a lot of people named Valentine and I'll shorten it to one for the sake of brevity.
2) 190 million Valentine's Day cards are sent every year. The handwritten sincere ones, while still existing, have been replaced by generic machine-churned store-bought clones.
3) Valentine's Day is one of the most profitable, revenue-providing "holidays" in the world, behind only Christmas and the Lunar New Year.
Here's what one of my friends said, "What's the point in going all out for Valentine's Day? It's like you're saving all your love and money every day, and then on Feb 14, BAM! You release it in one shot. You think that's going to impress her/him?"
True. The guys who do that are complete nincompoops.
But they are the minority I believe.
For me, I'm pretty sure that if I were in a relationship every day would be a special, meaningful one, and I would try to always surprise my other half, keep things fresh, keep things exciting.
But then if that's the case, Valentine's Day would become a day to show the world your love. It's as if, before V Day, what couples did were secrets, the surprises contained only between the two people involved.
On V Day, that love becomes a cause for competition! Everywhere you go, you see them smooching, groping, screaming in joy, trying to outwit, outplay and outlast the other couple three steps from them, to win the title of Most In-Love-Can't-You-See?-We're-In-Love! Couple This Side of the Equator.
On that Monday of this month - I'll remember my FIRST Anti-Valentine's Day (AVD) for as long as I live - I was still recovering from a date over the weekend, which I thought went pretty well.
Then I found out he didn't like me and then he started avoiding me.
So I was in a crabby mood, and my campmate/good friend, who we shall call M, was also recovering from a weird online stalker.
We decided that after work, we would head out to the nearest karaoke place to sing our hearts out about our lack of love lives.
The songs? Loud, trashy, raucous rock - borderline metal - songs, which do not revolve around love or if possible, contain themes of heartbreak and rejection.
We tried, sincerely we did, to put together such a playlist, but gay people are to metal as Sarah Palin is to the Democratic Party.
So we kickstarted the playlist the only way we knew how:
Christina Aguilera: Beautiful, Fighter
Katy Perry: Hot N Cold
Beyonce: All The Single Ladies, If I Were A Boy
Avril Lavigne: My Happy Ending
But after a while we just gave up on the theme of heartbreak and fully gave into our instincts:
Taylor Swift: Mine, You Belong With Me
Maroon 5: She Will Be Loved, Won't Go Home Without You
Lady Gaga: Telephone
Rihanna: Shut Up and Drive
Britney Spears: I'm A Slave 4 U, Do Somethin'
Madonna: 4 Minutes, Ray of Light
Somewhere in the middle of Carrie Underwood's Temporary Home I teared up, mainly because the music video is so amazing... but also because I just found it incredibly pathetic that on Valentine's Day I was singing bad karaoke in a dingy part of Singapore instead of being part of the Couples Competition taking place all over the world.
I have an insanely crazy competitive streak, and I almost always never back down from a direct confrontation, and it was as if the Day itself were telling me, "You Lost. I only come by once a year and you couldn't even rustle up ONE date for 24 hours?"
Yes, I couldn't.
I could, however, rap like Jay-Z on Empire State of Mind (M was Alicia) and for a moment, just pretend that I hadn't grown up yet and that the prospect of love was of no concern to me; getting that A for my next Math test would be the only thing that mattered in the world.
But who am I kidding?
I'm still waiting for the one I can surprise, who will surprise me, who will kiss me on Valentine's Day for one second and say, "There. We won the competition for shortest kiss ever on this stupid, commercial waste of time."
And I would laugh, and we would have dinner, and the day would just be like any other.
Sunday! 3.04 pm here in sunny, hot and hellish Singapore.
A recap of yesterday night! I went clubbing at one of the renowned AJ clubs in Singapore, somewhere along Neil Road - my usual weekendly routine of unwinding and destressing - and I met a group of self-proclaimed "fag hags".
One of my good friends and campmates knows the Fag Hag Leader in the group - let's call her S - and we went to the bar not far from the club to get high before heading in.
Here's a secret: I don't have many fag hag friends. The gal pals I know are either lesbian, straight and couldn't care less about gays, or are attached permanently to Gray's Anatomy (the textbook, not the show, although some are diehard fans too).
As the great diva Margaret Cho once said, "behind every successful gay man is an even more successful fag hag." (or other words to the effect). I know - how unrepresentative of me. So sue me.
But this was my first time hanging out with girls inside a gay bar and club and boy, what an eye opening experience!!
First of all, the girls were texting like crazy: maybe it's the whole tech craze thing but to a hormonal gay boy it's so weird to see no one pay attention to the hordes of hot guys wandering around with their other halves. Second of all, when they DID pay attention it was funny to see it become a reversed one-sided situation: now the GUYS didn't give the girls a flying hoot. Well, because they were gay, but also because most of them that I could see were attached.
Which brings me to my next point: where are all the single people?
Beyonce had it wrong when she sang that ubiquitous hit, All the Single Ladies AREN'T putting their hands up. Because I sure as hell couldn't see them when I went to the bar, and later to the club.
Everyone was hanging off the arm of another guy.
A recently-made friend of mine, a cute swimmer who talks as much, if not more than, me, just got hooked. A guy I had a brief fling with and made me hook on to his every word and whim moved on at lightning speed and seemed so happy last night at the club. A close friend of mine who is also a Geminian is very happily attached with a professional belter (singing, not the accessory). Another friend who was, and is, still my first and only crush, had someone falling head over heels for him by the night's end.
It was getting sad to dance alone, with some random guy who eventually turned back to his boyfriend and mouthed, "Who the fuck is he?"
I guess I shouldn't have done the booty shaking part, a la J Lo.
Kidding.
S and I were later texting, and she told me that if I was "desperate" I should hit on my single campmate friend - off limits by the way - and I quickly corrected her. "It's Couples Envy", I texted back.
DEFINITION: Couples Envy, noun, an illness where you look at the successful, loving couples around you and feel a pang of jealousy in your gut and a sudden need to alleviate it by kissing the guy/girl nearest to you.
There's a reason why more alcohol is ingested every Valentine's Day instead of any other day. Look around you, and all those couples are smooching, kissing, groping, having all sorts of fun, and all you can think about is, "what is wrong with me?"
What is wrong that I can't find myself an other half?
"Couples Envy" hits every one, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, and even if you are in a relationship, you might find yours unsatisfying. Hence you might envy ANOTHER couple.
Dr. Cristina Yang has got NOTHING on my medical knowledge. Consider yourself warned. :)
