I was talking to my friend and campmate Melvin the other day, and I was telling him about the plans I have after I ORD. Suffice it to say, there were a lot of plans, some more concrete than others, but all equally achievable.
He was saying something like, "Don't become too focused on your career. That's a trap of people our age (i.e. the 20-somethings.) You have no time for love and soon you'll find yourself alone."
I told him, "if by 35 I still haven't found the love of my life, I'm going to MAKE a love of my life. Get a kid, basically." And teach him how to hate humanity, break out into song randomly, and love life.
Love is a gift, but so is a career. A career is just as important as finding someone, because you can only focus on enjoying yourself and giving yourself to someone else if you are satisfied in your career, and you are financially stable, and you know what you're meant to do in this life.
So, it's no small secret that I really, REALLY love Taylor Swift.
But the more I listen to her songs, the more I realize that she really doesn't have this thing in her called "Pragmatism".
I mean, she is pragmatic when it comes to her music and her image, but when it comes to love - she is such a sucker for a nice guy on the first two dates.
The things she sings about: the dancing in the rain in her best dress, the Superman that'll come to take her away, the best friend who'll ditch his girlfriend for her... all those things won't happen.
Or so I believe.
Basically, she's an Idealistic Lover. She has the perfect idea of who the One is - or should be - and she is willing to date guys who express interest in her at the drop of a hat. Just to find The One. And when it turns out he's not The One, she gets emotional and writes at least three songs about that guy.
John Mayer - Dear John, Superman, The Story of Us
Joe Jonas - Forever and For Always, Better Than Revenge, Tell Me Why.
I believe there are two kinds of lovers in this world: the Pragmatic lover and the Idealistic lover.
DEFINITION:
An Idealistic Lover, noun, is a person who thinks that there is only one true love, and the *SPARK* must be there, and sometimes he/she believes there is such a thing as love at first sight, and if there's no kiss in the rain, it's not a good future.
You can't have feelings for more than one person at the same time. It has to be ONE and ONE only.
There must be romance, no big fights or arguments, you have to test the person and he must know you close to 100% and you mustn't have any secrets between you both.
Basically, someone who has watched too many Jennifer Aniston/Katherine Heigl movies.
A Pragmatic Lover, noun, is on the other hand, is aware of his weaknesses. He knows people don't see the good in him sometimes. So it's more of "who will accept him"? It's not a case of taking the second-best, it's knowing that love can be developed and is not a case of Love At First Sight.
He may like two or more people at the same time. Hopefully he won't be a jerk by dating all of them - but a combination of their qualities that attract him would be perfect.
It doesn't matter if there are big fights. Arguments can always be resolved. You can keep secrets from him, as long as you come back, and your heart at the end is still with him at least 85%.
Most of us are more or less one or the other. We may have a few qualities of the other, but for the most part, we're either a Pragmatic Lover or an Idealistic Lover.
Which one are you?
PRAGMATIC:
"What you gonna offer now?"
IDEALISTIC:
"And I hope you don't save some other girl, don't forget, don't forget, about me..."
Do you love someone who is exciting, spontaneous, lively, funny and loud?
Do you love someone who is homely, quiet, shy and loves to read than party?
Do you love someone who is sarcastic, bitchy, and critical of everyone?
Do you love someone who is completely random, but is actually thoughtful and contemplative?
Do you love someone who is proud, strong and confident in his skills and abilities?
Do you love someone who is soft, deferring, indecisive, and confusing?
Do you love someone who is kind, gentle, caring and generally nice?
Sometimes, you think you love a certain person for his type, a certain kind, but maybe it's not so simple. Maybe it's a combination of various types, across various kinds of people. There's no one else like that in your life, so treasure that person for everything he or she is. Don't think you can find someone else like him or her ever again.
Just recently started watching this awesome series called "The Real L-Word".
I never really watched "The L-Word" even when it was airing, so I decided that maybe I would start by finding episodes online to catch up with. But after hunting around, I couldn't find all of them, and there aren't even DVD boxsets of all the seasons available.
As anyone who knows me knows... I like to have my episodes all there and available so if I like the show, first season, etc. I want to watch them all.
So I settled on "The Real L-Word", a reality TV show modelled after the scripted one, which only had 9 episodes and the complete season was more easily available online.
(In case you're wondering how 9 episodes can form a season, each episode runs up to 60 minutes NOT INCLUDING commercials, instead of the usual 42. So it's a lot more length. Also, the 13-episode network minimum order is only for shows that want to make it to DVD production, so apparently Showtime didn't think this reality series was going to DVD anytime soon.)
(And the first season of Kathy Griffin's My Life on The D-List was 6 episodes long and it was fantastic.)
So I'm watching them now and I have to say, lesbians in LA go through so much drama!!!
First of all, there's just a lot more glitz. A lot more star factor, and that means that everywhere you turn there's a HOT CHICK. At the lesbian bars and clubs - we're talking HOT HOT HOT lesbian chicks.
So how would a single lesbian woman handle it? In the case of Whitney, this really fun, biker-chick who runs a prosthetics business with her good friend (and ex-girlfriend) Alyssa, you go on countless dates with countless people. And she takes it to the extreme - because she has sex with nearly all of them. And relationships with maybe 3 of them. Like a grasshopper, my good friend K might say, except a really REALLY hoppin' one.
Then there's the work. LA is one of the busiest cities in the world, with so many events and entertainment industries thriving. How would lesbians in a relationship handle it? In the case of Mikey, who runs an events management company and her girlfriend Raquel, a professional make-up artist, they find it hard to juggle both love and work. Both are workaholics, and they hardly get to meet up at all!
"All the party people, in the cluubbb!" Rose is a party animal, going out to the clubs and bars 4 to 5 times a week, but her girlfriend Nat hates it. Nat is a homebody, the kind of person that likes to stay at home and knit and talk about babies and love. Does Rose compromise, or does Nat?
What about the pre-existing relationships?
How does Nikki deal with her long-term partner Jill's friendship with her best friend Derek? Nikki and Jill are planning to get married, but Nikki is scared the bisexual Jill will seek comfort in her best straight friend Derek, who loves her secretly. (That's why I say, always have a gay as a male best friend.)
How does Tracy, a free, fun-loving wild spirit, deal with her lover Stamie's three kids from a previous straight relationship? Does she try to be the good "mom", or just a "girlfriend figure?"
Drama, drama, drama.
(from left) Nikki, Jill, Mikey, Tracy, Rose and Whitney
Recently, two of my extremely good friends have gone through break-ups. Very very violent ones, that resulted in sadness and tears and late nights and many text messages and calls. And another friend is in turmoil about his existing relationship.
What's the point of a relationship?
What's the point if all you do is spend your time, your energy, your money and most importantly, your emotions, on the other half, only to have him break your heart in an instant?
To date, the longest one out of these three couples (or ex-couples for two) is six months. Honestly. Can a gay relationship even last a year?
(Of course it can. I know a couple who has been together for 8 yrs now. And my old teacher from photography club has been in a committed monogamous relationship, nay, marriage, for 13 years now. I'm just saying...)
Is there any point to getting into a relationship? It's a lot to go through, a lot of pain. You'll still be sad. Already, being rejected on a date leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
If I want to cry, and be sad, at least I'd want it to be over someone whom I know will be sad and cry for me too. I want it to be over someone I have shared enough of my memories and time with to know it has changed us both for the better.
And you don't know if that's happened. You don't know if he's as sad for you as you are for him. If he loved you as much as you loved him. If things have changed for the better or instead, for the worse. And vice versa.
A few months ago, I went on a date with a guy who, at first glance, was okay. Not a fantastic looker, not a charmer, no usual wicked sense of humor that I enjoy. Basically, not much going for him that attracted me.
But I agreed to go out on a date with him cos when he asked me, I was FUCKING HAMMERED. It was a Friday night, I had drunk a lot, I was at the club, and I was spinning rather wildly around in my pathetic excuse for dancing. I was pining for someone that had recently ditched me rather unceremoniously, and in a sense, I just needed to go out with someone else that wasn't my usual "type".
(Like a rebound, but one which I had a feeling might work out if he turned out to be more than that first impression.) So I was flattered when he said I looked cute, and I thought I would give it a shot.
So to cut a long story short, the date went pretty uneventfully, I was incredibly unimpressed and bored, but by some horny miracle of a chance, we ended up fooling around.
We wrapped it up nicely, and later had dinner and dessert at NYDC, where he had once worked before while he was still in school and juggling studies and being a church counselor. Again, I was incredibly bored. But, hey, I thought, maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe my expectations are high. So I thought I would give it another shot.
To cut a long story short, on Sunday, we met up and fooled around again. I tried to say, NO, i tried to deny him, I basically tried to see if we could do something that didn't involve physical contact. Of course, something in the back of my head, a voice that sounded surprisingly like Cee-Lo Green's, told me "YOU A FOO! Once he's hit gold on the first date, he's not going to settle for anything less!"
So I tried to test the waters. I tried to have a little "proper talk", tried to maybe hold his hand. Nope. Nada. He got scared. And that's when I knew something was wrong with the Clingy Constant.
***
DEFINITION:
The Clingy Constant, noun, an intangible value used when two people are going out. It is defined by finding the difference in the amount of clinginess each person exerts on the other. The lower the Clingy Constant, the more the two people are on the same page and are going in a good direction.
****
It was somewhere in between the first and second dates that he added me as a Facebook Friend. And you know, FB is kinda the go-to place for all this now. Relationship updates, updates on your favorite celebrities, stalking of hot people we've seen in daily media, and general appreciation of your real, actual friends, online friends, and exes.
So fine, whatever. When he started avoiding me, and I had to go to a mutual friend to confirm what I had already suspected, I was pissed and hurt. Pissed because he wasn't a man about this. He didn't tell it to me in my face, or even do an emergency "Oh, my dog just ate a chocolate bar!" excuse during the dates, which would have been more obvious.
(And to be honest, in my own opinion, i had more reason to do the 'fake excuse' play.)
Instead, he did the "I'm not going to reply your text messages or attempts at communication" bit, which pisses me off because I don't know if that means you want to end it or are still interested but are too busy with camp stuff.
I was hurt because I hate being avoided. It doesn't hurt so much if you came up to my face and told me, "You suck! You're too talkative!" Let's be honest: I've heard nearly EVERY single derogative thing you could possibly say to me, and I've laughed them all off, ranging from the funny "Hey, what happened to your screw-on dick?" to the downright insulting "You're such a cheapskate!"
I've laughed them all off, and I've somehow built a defense mechanism that prevents me from getting too close to people. So when you avoid me, you make my mechanism go up. You make me feel worthless and not even good enough for that point-blank rejection.
Now, so after the avoiding bit, and I moped for a short while, life went on. Things got better.
Just now, I was on FB, typing in my best friend's name to wish him a good trip in Taiwan. It so happens that this guy shared a same name with my best friend. And to my surprise, that guy's name did not appear in the Suggested Friends list that pops up when you type into the Search bar.
I went and linked around a little.
Wow. Look at that.
He had UN-FRIENDED me!
BULLSHIT!
I think the Un-Friend move is the worst move you could possibly do to an ex-date or ex-lover. Here's why:
On my Friends list on Facebook, I know at least fifty people that I have never met physically in my entire life. And of these people maybe twenty of them I have never spoken to or interacted with before AT ALL, neither online nor over the phone.
Then there are the "Friends" from my school which I have met maybe ONCE. Maybe Once and they're in my list. I have not spoken to them since school ended, but there they are. Still there.
To UN-Friend me, you're basically telling me things got so bad we can't even "KNOW" each other now. We don't have to be BFFs, we don't have to keep a close connection, but you can't deny we did SOMETHING together. And yet what we did together, the dates we went out on, are so inconsequential that I can't even compare to the random guy who added you on FB just because he played a heads-up game against you on the Texas Hold 'Em Facebook game app?
Now THAT'S truly insulting.
(And it wasn't that bad, all right?)
Yes, I'm like Taylor Swift. Don't be a fucking jerk to me, and I won't talk about you. Fine, granted this is a personal blog with maybe 30-40 views a day, not a hit song selling millions of downloads worldwide, but my point still stands. And I believe that if I wrong you, I'll give you my very own version of "Back to December".
How does ANY relationship start? How does it blossom from mere acquaintances or in some cases - which I frown upon - best friends to partners, lovers?
I know there's no manual to this sorta thing, but I'll try to break it down anyway, according to MY OPINION:
Step One: In the case of a genuine love interest (and not just lust), it starts with two people approaching each other with honesty. Telling the other the truth about the past, about how they feel about each other, how they feel about themselves and where they are ready to go from there.
Step Two: Then it's about the communication. My friend Darren said this before, that the start must always be about the avid communication. How is a relationship - friends or partners - going to even get off the ground if there is no back-and-forth?
I know some of you might disagree. It might be clingy. No, clingy is when you demand to know where a person is 24/7 every second of the day and what he is doing. Clingy, to me, is when you plan your future with him including dogs and houses when you've just known him for 2 weeks. Clingy is when you insist on knowing everyone he knows.
All I want, is just plain old communication.
All I'm saying is, "Can we talk?" (yes i stole that from Joan Rivers)
Let's not even talk about the future. It's too soon for that. Let's talk about our shared interests. Television shows. Music. Fun things that happened to us recently. Clubs and parties. Cute animals we love. Let's keep the flow back and forth. Let's keep things interesting and ALIVE.
For example, I text you a nice little chatty bit about the recent book I bought, and I wait. Two hours later, all I get is, "Haha! That's funny!"
OK, so maybe you had valid reasons.
In the case of my best friends: You were sleeping till noon! (Hi Alaric) You were watching a South Park marathon! (yes Marcus) Your phones' batteries were flat. (Hey Issac) You didn't feel your phone vibrate. (I see you Melvin!)
Maybe, very simply, you were in camp, or hanging out with your friends, or watching a movie.
I get it, I understand. For example, Marcus is training to be a 2LT now, and I don't text him on weekdays. Yesterday I messaged him, and he replied back with a response I have come to expect of him. (Good luck in Taiwan man!!)
But as a potential love interest, all you could give me after that is, "Haha! That's funny!"?!?!?!?!
After two hours, after my effort in typing that funny bit out... you reply with 3 words that take all of 5 seconds to type?
Methinks you're not interested in being more than friends. You clearly don't think there's any point in replying. So therefore, something is wrong. Either I'm overthinking it or I didn't make my intentions clear in Step One.
Step Three: So I'll tell you honestly. What I feel is happening, and either you'll agree - "Yeah. You know, you talk too much. Shut the fuck up." OR "Oh no! I didn't think you'd see it that way. I just thought I would listen to you first cos one of us has to be the listener."
And I'd either apologize if I were really into you: "Oh man, sorry. I don't want to come on too strong. I'm backpedalling now."
Or I would thank you. "Thanks for your consideration! It's okay. I can listen too. I bought a new hearing aid recently."
More steps to come... as I think of them along the way!
Kathy Griffin said this in her book, "Official Book Club Selection", that is itself a quote from Joan Rivers, "You know, no one knows what's going on in a relationship except the two people who are in it."
So true, from two of my favorite comediennes.
Just now I was on the bus, and two gay guys came on board. It was heartwarming to see them at first, because they both looked similar to each other. What I mean is, they were both wearing black, both quite fashionable, tall and fair... basically the kind of couple that resembles each other.
But they weren't talking to each other. They gave each other mildly cold looks. And when one tried to speak to the other on the seats opposite me, the other kept ignoring him. And then when the bus stopped, the other guy got up and left, and the poor man followed him hurriedly out, grabbed his arm and they started talking in the middle of the street. Last I saw before the bus drove away was how... poetically sad it was.
No one knows what happened in the relationship except the two people who are in it.
DEFINITION: Couples Envy, noun, an illness where you look at the successful, loving couples around you and feel a pang of jealousy in your gut and a sudden need to alleviate it by kissing the guy/girl nearest to you.
After a long time away, Couples Envy finally returned last night in full force at the club!
(But no, I did not kiss anyone near me. First of all I was drunk from Bluespin, which inhibits me actually, and Issac - if ur reading this - do not drink it ANYMORE EVER AGAIN. And secondly I have self-restraint and dignity.)
But last night's Couples Envy was way worse, 'cos Melvin, who used to be my other Swingin' Single Sister (SSS), is now (semi-)attached!
DEFINITION: Swingin' Single Sister, or SSS, noun, a friend who is supposed to be perennially-unattached, a person whom you can bitch with regarding all those couples openly displaying their affections everywhere.
But yesterday! Fuck, man, Melvin joined the dark side! He flipped his alliance! He became a member of that group I mock so openly and cruelly! Him and his squeeze were mooching it up at May Wong's Cafe, and in fact, so were Issac and Marco.
Each couple took up one of those big throne chairs to make out, while I, the wondrous fifth wheel, had to proclaim, "I have a throne chair to myself, so both of you lovey-dovey couples can SUCK IT!" And then I proceeded to flip them all off.
So much for dignity.
It was deja vu all over again, because this happened already ONCE before. Me, the only single person left in the room. I was like Jessica Biel in Valentine's Day.
So of course I had another bout of Couples' Envy, besides the bout of gastric flu I already had going.
Only this time it was worse, because my SSS, Melvin, HAD TURNED ON ME!! Betrayed the alliance. Destroyed the faith the covenant placed in him. Became untrustworthy. I almost put a fatwa on his head right there and then.
Of course I'm happy for him, but I just can't help but to feel jealous and envious. It's natural I think, because it feels as though I'm the last one on the shelf.
(At 19?! What a weirdo, I know, for thinking that.)
But of course, I'm not going to rush things. The Powers That Be have a plan for me, and nature will take its course.
Right now, my greatest concern is to recover from this nasty virus so I can be part of PA Paddle Championships next weekend! On top of that, my cousin's wedding is on Saturday! AS WELL AS Timbre Rock & Roots, featuring John Legend and Imogen Heap! I won free tickets from 987fm!
Went out clubbing again, and for a change this time around, I DIDN'T waste myself! For the past two weeks, I was bouncing around, talking to random people, drinking abundantly, and before the night was over I would be more wasted than Lady Gaga's talent in Singapore.
But yesterday I regulated my drinking. No dinner drinks, no pre-clubbing warm-up shots, only an apple cider, glass of white wine and store-bought LIT before entering the club, and only a cranberry rum after I entered! Woohoo.
As a result, yesterday I was very lucid. Still, because the music was extremely good - David Guetta and J.Lo back to back! - I managed to dance up a storm with my campmate/fellow clubber friend M. Also M's self-proclaimed fag hag friends were there as well, and it was fun hearing them dish on the gay guys and lesbian fights taking place around them.
And, get this: Remember that date I spoke about in Anti-Valentine's Day? The one I thought was into me, but turned out to be avoiding me?
I bumped into him yesterday night in the club! I was totally gracious toward him. We're cool, man, we're cool.
But a part of me couldn't help wondering, "What went wrong?" As you know, I thought the date went pretty well, and so I almost bounded after him to ask, "Hey, mind telling me what turned you off?"
Thank God for Issac, one of my incredibly-good friends, who kept me from going after him and demanding an explanation. In the end I just let it go, chalking it up to one of those things that just wasn't meant to be, a myriad of misperceptions and misunderstandings.
We're cool man, we're cool.
See, here's the thing. I'm very much like a straight guy in the sense that you have to spell it out for me. I'm extremely EXTREMELY bad at taking hints, as many of my friends will tell you. I am terribly bad at assessing my surroundings, and I have to work hard at my situational awareness especially in cases where emotions are running high. In the end I am more likely to crack a really inappropriate joke that will either defuse the tension or make it 100% worse.
So if you are on a date with me, and something I'm doing isn't to your liking, you need to make it clear to me what I'm doing wrong. And by 'clear' I don't mean little "er-hems" that are supposed to mean something to me other than you have phlegm in your throat.
(Yes. I'm a blockhead that way. Think Phil Dunphy from Modern Family.)
Of course I'm not stereotyping straight guys. I know some who are very savvy at EQ, and are able to play out emotions like a member of a professional bomb squad.
But I'm not like that. I can actively change what I'm doing, shut up, or try to improve the situation, but only if you make it obvious there is something about me you're not getting. Otherwise, it won't go anywhere with me, and you'll end up still being frustrated.
And of course, I won't be able to read if you're not into me. It's a skill I'm working on - please do not forget I'm only 19 years of age - so I need a lot of spelling-it-out-for-me in this aspect. Don't start avoiding me, because then I'll start messaging you with things like, "Dude. Are you alive?"
Of course after a while I'll get the hint and back off, but it would really save me some time and self-doubt if you would just take the small effort to text back, "Hey. I think we should be friends for now."
I would text that to you if, on my side, I felt things weren't going right, so I expect the same courtesy. How difficult can that be?
A word about Valentine's Day, since we're still in February, and now that I brought it up in my previous post and opened that can of worms...
I hate it.
Or maybe it's just my single status talking.
I'm pretty certain that if I were happily attached and in love Valentine's Day would be a pretty awesome, great day.
Let's lay down some of the facts:
1) The day started out in history as the day that St. Valentine became a matyr in the persecution of Emperor Aurelian. From what I can read on Valentine's Day there are a lot of people named Valentine and I'll shorten it to one for the sake of brevity.
2) 190 million Valentine's Day cards are sent every year. The handwritten sincere ones, while still existing, have been replaced by generic machine-churned store-bought clones.
3) Valentine's Day is one of the most profitable, revenue-providing "holidays" in the world, behind only Christmas and the Lunar New Year.
Here's what one of my friends said, "What's the point in going all out for Valentine's Day? It's like you're saving all your love and money every day, and then on Feb 14, BAM! You release it in one shot. You think that's going to impress her/him?"
True. The guys who do that are complete nincompoops.
But they are the minority I believe.
For me, I'm pretty sure that if I were in a relationship every day would be a special, meaningful one, and I would try to always surprise my other half, keep things fresh, keep things exciting.
But then if that's the case, Valentine's Day would become a day to show the world your love. It's as if, before V Day, what couples did were secrets, the surprises contained only between the two people involved.
On V Day, that love becomes a cause for competition! Everywhere you go, you see them smooching, groping, screaming in joy, trying to outwit, outplay and outlast the other couple three steps from them, to win the title of Most In-Love-Can't-You-See?-We're-In-Love! Couple This Side of the Equator.
On that Monday of this month - I'll remember my FIRST Anti-Valentine's Day (AVD) for as long as I live - I was still recovering from a date over the weekend, which I thought went pretty well.
Then I found out he didn't like me and then he started avoiding me.
So I was in a crabby mood, and my campmate/good friend, who we shall call M, was also recovering from a weird online stalker.
We decided that after work, we would head out to the nearest karaoke place to sing our hearts out about our lack of love lives.
The songs? Loud, trashy, raucous rock - borderline metal - songs, which do not revolve around love or if possible, contain themes of heartbreak and rejection.
We tried, sincerely we did, to put together such a playlist, but gay people are to metal as Sarah Palin is to the Democratic Party.
So we kickstarted the playlist the only way we knew how:
Christina Aguilera: Beautiful, Fighter
Katy Perry: Hot N Cold
Beyonce: All The Single Ladies, If I Were A Boy
Avril Lavigne: My Happy Ending
But after a while we just gave up on the theme of heartbreak and fully gave into our instincts:
Taylor Swift: Mine, You Belong With Me
Maroon 5: She Will Be Loved, Won't Go Home Without You
Lady Gaga: Telephone
Rihanna: Shut Up and Drive
Britney Spears: I'm A Slave 4 U, Do Somethin'
Madonna: 4 Minutes, Ray of Light
Somewhere in the middle of Carrie Underwood's Temporary Home I teared up, mainly because the music video is so amazing... but also because I just found it incredibly pathetic that on Valentine's Day I was singing bad karaoke in a dingy part of Singapore instead of being part of the Couples Competition taking place all over the world.
I have an insanely crazy competitive streak, and I almost always never back down from a direct confrontation, and it was as if the Day itself were telling me, "You Lost. I only come by once a year and you couldn't even rustle up ONE date for 24 hours?"
Yes, I couldn't.
I could, however, rap like Jay-Z on Empire State of Mind (M was Alicia) and for a moment, just pretend that I hadn't grown up yet and that the prospect of love was of no concern to me; getting that A for my next Math test would be the only thing that mattered in the world.
But who am I kidding?
I'm still waiting for the one I can surprise, who will surprise me, who will kiss me on Valentine's Day for one second and say, "There. We won the competition for shortest kiss ever on this stupid, commercial waste of time."
And I would laugh, and we would have dinner, and the day would just be like any other.
Sunday! 3.04 pm here in sunny, hot and hellish Singapore.
A recap of yesterday night! I went clubbing at one of the renowned AJ clubs in Singapore, somewhere along Neil Road - my usual weekendly routine of unwinding and destressing - and I met a group of self-proclaimed "fag hags".
One of my good friends and campmates knows the Fag Hag Leader in the group - let's call her S - and we went to the bar not far from the club to get high before heading in.
Here's a secret: I don't have many fag hag friends. The gal pals I know are either lesbian, straight and couldn't care less about gays, or are attached permanently to Gray's Anatomy (the textbook, not the show, although some are diehard fans too).
As the great diva Margaret Cho once said, "behind every successful gay man is an even more successful fag hag." (or other words to the effect). I know - how unrepresentative of me. So sue me.
But this was my first time hanging out with girls inside a gay bar and club and boy, what an eye opening experience!!
First of all, the girls were texting like crazy: maybe it's the whole tech craze thing but to a hormonal gay boy it's so weird to see no one pay attention to the hordes of hot guys wandering around with their other halves. Second of all, when they DID pay attention it was funny to see it become a reversed one-sided situation: now the GUYS didn't give the girls a flying hoot. Well, because they were gay, but also because most of them that I could see were attached.
Which brings me to my next point: where are all the single people?
Beyonce had it wrong when she sang that ubiquitous hit, All the Single Ladies AREN'T putting their hands up. Because I sure as hell couldn't see them when I went to the bar, and later to the club.
Everyone was hanging off the arm of another guy.
A recently-made friend of mine, a cute swimmer who talks as much, if not more than, me, just got hooked. A guy I had a brief fling with and made me hook on to his every word and whim moved on at lightning speed and seemed so happy last night at the club. A close friend of mine who is also a Geminian is very happily attached with a professional belter (singing, not the accessory). Another friend who was, and is, still my first and only crush, had someone falling head over heels for him by the night's end.
It was getting sad to dance alone, with some random guy who eventually turned back to his boyfriend and mouthed, "Who the fuck is he?"
I guess I shouldn't have done the booty shaking part, a la J Lo.
Kidding.
S and I were later texting, and she told me that if I was "desperate" I should hit on my single campmate friend - off limits by the way - and I quickly corrected her. "It's Couples Envy", I texted back.
DEFINITION: Couples Envy, noun, an illness where you look at the successful, loving couples around you and feel a pang of jealousy in your gut and a sudden need to alleviate it by kissing the guy/girl nearest to you.
There's a reason why more alcohol is ingested every Valentine's Day instead of any other day. Look around you, and all those couples are smooching, kissing, groping, having all sorts of fun, and all you can think about is, "what is wrong with me?"
What is wrong that I can't find myself an other half?
"Couples Envy" hits every one, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, and even if you are in a relationship, you might find yours unsatisfying. Hence you might envy ANOTHER couple.
Dr. Cristina Yang has got NOTHING on my medical knowledge. Consider yourself warned. :)
I have honestly set a record for being the most jaded person at the tender but not so young age of 19.
The subject?
Love.
Yes, I've been keeping a lot of emotions bottled up in me for a long time regarding this touchy, abstract subject many a Lady Gaga/Madonna/Cher have written about, and I think it's time for a little therapy.
How is it possible to be jaded about love at 19?
I have my ways.
2011 is here, and it's time for a new change, a new start to make life interesting. Here's hoping this year will prove me wrong, that love really is forever, and that, well, there IS life after love.
