Another Year, Another Chapter

So, Friday 17th June was my birthday.

And as you can see, the title of my blog has officially changed, pushed up one year to a whopping 20.

TWENTY.

The big TWO-ZERO. Not a landmark like TWENTY-ONE, but still, it signifies the upping of ONE big old year.

The times have definitely changed.

From June 2010 to June 2011, what have I learned?

One year of learning to cope with NS, one year to love and appreciate my friends and definitely, my FAMILY, more, and one year of discovering new things about myself.

How will being 20 change me?

We'll see next year.

I Pray Pray Pray...

...that I will find fulfillment.

Sometimes I go swimming, and there is this weird old uncle guy who keeps staring at me. He stares at other guys too, and though I feel disturbed by his leering, what I truly feel more is sadness.

I just saw him on the bus a couple of days ago, and we recognized each other. He saw me enter the bus and he watched me pass. Leering, again.

And I just felt sad AND scared.

Fulfillment is important to me.

Love, not just in a partner, but also in a child, a pet. A beautiful thing, a beautiful life.

I hope I don't become that old man.

Love is a Gift, but so is Money

I was talking to my friend and campmate Melvin the other day, and I was telling him about the plans I have after I ORD. Suffice it to say, there were a lot of plans, some more concrete than others, but all equally achievable.

He was saying something like, "Don't become too focused on your career. That's a trap of people our age (i.e. the 20-somethings.) You have no time for love and soon you'll find yourself alone."

I told him, "if by 35 I still haven't found the love of my life, I'm going to MAKE a love of my life. Get a kid, basically." And teach him how to hate humanity, break out into song randomly, and love life.

Love is a gift, but so is a career. A career is just as important as finding someone, because you can only focus on enjoying yourself and giving yourself to someone else if you are satisfied in your career, and you are financially stable, and you know what you're meant to do in this life.

A Little Bit Frank

Honesty is the best policy.

For most situations, not all.

Pragmatic or Idealistic?

So, it's no small secret that I really, REALLY love Taylor Swift.

But the more I listen to her songs, the more I realize that she really doesn't have this thing in her called "Pragmatism".

I mean, she is pragmatic when it comes to her music and her image, but when it comes to love - she is such a sucker for a nice guy on the first two dates.

The things she sings about: the dancing in the rain in her best dress, the Superman that'll come to take her away, the best friend who'll ditch his girlfriend for her... all those things won't happen.

Or so I believe.

Basically, she's an Idealistic Lover. She has the perfect idea of who the One is - or should be - and she is willing to date guys who express interest in her at the drop of a hat. Just to find The One. And when it turns out he's not The One, she gets emotional and writes at least three songs about that guy.

John Mayer - Dear John, Superman, The Story of Us

Joe Jonas - Forever and For Always, Better Than Revenge, Tell Me Why.

I believe there are two kinds of lovers in this world: the Pragmatic lover and the Idealistic lover.

DEFINITION:

An Idealistic Lover, noun, is a person who thinks that there is only one true love, and the *SPARK* must be there, and sometimes he/she believes there is such a thing as love at first sight, and if there's no kiss in the rain, it's not a good future.

You can't have feelings for more than one person at the same time. It has to be ONE and ONE only.

There must be romance, no big fights or arguments, you have to test the person and he must know you close to 100% and you mustn't have any secrets between you both.

Basically, someone who has watched too many Jennifer Aniston/Katherine Heigl movies.

A Pragmatic Lover, noun, is on the other hand, is aware of his weaknesses. He knows people don't see the good in him sometimes. So it's more of "who will accept him"? It's not a case of taking the second-best, it's knowing that love can be developed and is not a case of Love At First Sight.

He may like two or more people at the same time. Hopefully he won't be a jerk by dating all of them - but a combination of their qualities that attract him would be perfect.

It doesn't matter if there are big fights. Arguments can always be resolved. You can keep secrets from him, as long as you come back, and your heart at the end is still with him at least 85%.

Most of us are more or less one or the other. We may have a few qualities of the other, but for the most part, we're either a Pragmatic Lover or an Idealistic Lover.

Which one are you?

PRAGMATIC:

"What you gonna offer now?"

IDEALISTIC:

"And I hope you don't save some other girl, don't forget, don't forget, about me..."

Which one are you?

I'm Not Usually Violent, But...

...I can't stand people who mistreat animals.

Just now I saw two KITTENS downstairs. So fucking cute... but so fucking abandoned! When I tried to move toward them, maybe pick them up, do something, hand them off, THEY BOLTED.

Straight into the gutter and away to who-knows-where.

Kittens, can you believe it? So adorable, and young, and already scared of the world.

Pissed off at whoever left them behind. (I mean to say I'm pissed off, but I guess the kittens could be too.)

On top of that, have you been reading the local news lately?

A local 13-year-old kid scams sympathetic owners looking to give away their dogs by saying he is a GRIEVING ex-OWNER, then GETS THEIR DOGS and SELLS THEM!!

WTF.

That seriously pisses me off. And his reason for that? "So [he] can get more money to go out."

I sincerely felt like SMACKING him in the head. I felt like just succumbing to my once-in-a-while violent tendencies. That kid will grow up to be a financial criminal. Or the CEO of a bank. Trust me on that one, it goes either way. Why can't you get a job if your parents aren't able to give you extra pocket money? Why can't you just save if you want to go out? Or even better... why don't you just stay home if you can't afford it at all?

Why must you come up with this stupid scheme that hurts those poor innocent animals?

I have never had an Ipod, and the day I get one it's because I've worked hard to earn the money to buy one, or I've saved up sufficiently. Currently I'm saving to get a camera. That's my belief, and I stick to it.

And then how about the random guy who got fined $50,000 because he took over a dog breeding facility and completely screwed up by being too cheap? He fed the dogs $450 worth of dog food when they're supposed to get $1500. He made them eat from one large bowl and OF COURSE the tougher dogs are going to push away the weaker ones!

I think it is absolutely deserving that he got $50,000 fine, which he couldn't pay and therefore is going to serve a jail term. This is because his reason for going into the industry was that he thought it was LUCRATIVE!!

Come on, people start breeding businesses because they genuinely LOVE animals and pets! You don't go into it with ZERO knowledge - because you're too cheap to educate yourself - and then ill-treat your animals - because you're too cheap to give them proper care - THEREFORE THAT IS JUST DUMB!!

I think he should have gotten a harsher punishment in fact.

Those poor, innocent fellows. I'm angry thinking about it already.

Ugh. I'm always for cheapness - in fact, I advocate it - but this is going too far!

Who Do You Love?

Who Do You Love?

Do you love someone who is exciting, spontaneous, lively, funny and loud?

Do you love someone who is homely, quiet, shy and loves to read than party?

Do you love someone who is sarcastic, bitchy, and critical of everyone?

Do you love someone who is completely random, but is actually thoughtful and contemplative?

Do you love someone who is proud, strong and confident in his skills and abilities?

Do you love someone who is soft, deferring, indecisive, and confusing?

Do you love someone who is kind, gentle, caring and generally nice?

Sometimes, you think you love a certain person for his type, a certain kind, but maybe it's not so simple. Maybe it's a combination of various types, across various kinds of people. There's no one else like that in your life, so treasure that person for everything he or she is. Don't think you can find someone else like him or her ever again.

Who do you love?

The Real L-Word

Just recently started watching this awesome series called "The Real L-Word".

I never really watched "The L-Word" even when it was airing, so I decided that maybe I would start by finding episodes online to catch up with. But after hunting around, I couldn't find all of them, and there aren't even DVD boxsets of all the seasons available.

As anyone who knows me knows... I like to have my episodes all there and available so if I like the show, first season, etc. I want to watch them all.

So I settled on "The Real L-Word", a reality TV show modelled after the scripted one, which only had 9 episodes and the complete season was more easily available online.

(In case you're wondering how 9 episodes can form a season, each episode runs up to 60 minutes NOT INCLUDING commercials, instead of the usual 42. So it's a lot more length. Also, the 13-episode network minimum order is only for shows that want to make it to DVD production, so apparently Showtime didn't think this reality series was going to DVD anytime soon.)

(And the first season of Kathy Griffin's My Life on The D-List was 6 episodes long and it was fantastic.)

So I'm watching them now and I have to say, lesbians in LA go through so much drama!!!

First of all, there's just a lot more glitz. A lot more star factor, and that means that everywhere you turn there's a HOT CHICK. At the lesbian bars and clubs - we're talking HOT HOT HOT lesbian chicks.

So how would a single lesbian woman handle it? In the case of Whitney, this really fun, biker-chick who runs a prosthetics business with her good friend (and ex-girlfriend) Alyssa, you go on countless dates with countless people. And she takes it to the extreme - because she has sex with nearly all of them. And relationships with maybe 3 of them. Like a grasshopper, my good friend K might say, except a really REALLY hoppin' one.

Then there's the work. LA is one of the busiest cities in the world, with so many events and entertainment industries thriving. How would lesbians in a relationship handle it? In the case of Mikey, who runs an events management company and her girlfriend Raquel, a professional make-up artist, they find it hard to juggle both love and work. Both are workaholics, and they hardly get to meet up at all!

"All the party people, in the cluubbb!" Rose is a party animal, going out to the clubs and bars 4 to 5 times a week, but her girlfriend Nat hates it. Nat is a homebody, the kind of person that likes to stay at home and knit and talk about babies and love. Does Rose compromise, or does Nat?

What about the pre-existing relationships?

How does Nikki deal with her long-term partner Jill's friendship with her best friend Derek? Nikki and Jill are planning to get married, but Nikki is scared the bisexual Jill will seek comfort in her best straight friend Derek, who loves her secretly. (That's why I say, always have a gay as a male best friend.)

How does Tracy, a free, fun-loving wild spirit, deal with her lover Stamie's three kids from a previous straight relationship? Does she try to be the good "mom", or just a "girlfriend figure?"

Drama, drama, drama.

(from left) Nikki, Jill, Mikey, Tracy, Rose and Whitney

The Grace of Singaporeans

They say Singapore is a beautiful place, with friendly, gracious people and excellent food and weather.

I can see how Singapore can be beautiful, in a sprawling urbanized sort of way, a la Hong Kong. I can see how the food is excellent, and the weather can be really nice if you're lucky.

What I can't see is how the people are gracious.

Yesterday I was on the train, standing up, just generally feeling bored and hungry. It was a 20-minute ride to Harborfront MRT. So I pulled out a sandwich and took two bites.

In that time it took for 2 bites, a middle-aged man, late 30s, pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of me quickly. He tried to hide it but I confronted him. To cut things short, we had a loud verbal argument in the middle of the train carriage.

He kept insisting I was wrong and asked me if I was local.

I told him I was born in Singapore, and he went, "Well! So you know the rule! Rules are the rules!" and I kept saying "It was two bites, and you just want that photo to go on Stomp because you want the pathetic name and fame that goes with having people talk about you."

Which is true. You know these kinds of people. Looks ratty, scritchily nervous, and can't make a good name for himself outside if he was on his own.

In the end he declared that if I was so in the right, we go up to the train security and settle this. Of course, there IS that big sign on the MRT train that says "No Eating and drinking - Fine $500", so a smart man like myself had to back off.

(Which left a sour taste in my mouth. I hate losing.)

I don't deny that you're not supposed to eat in the train according to Singapore rules, but I find it interesting that I was taking two bites and that constitutes a fine-worthy crime. For information, in New York City subways, there is no such rule. People eat, and I don't see complaints about how New York City is the WORST place in the world!

A side note here: Singapore, for a long time, has had too-extreme, inappropriate punishments. The death penalty for a drug carrier, for example. Caning for things like graffiti. Singapore tries to establish itself as a country comparable to Hong Kong and New York City, with its global arts scene and concerts and architecture, but those are mere economic yardsticks. Morally, it lacks the willingness to forgive that can be found in other countries. Oh and it also lacks...

GRACIOUS PEOPLE.

Put it this way. It was two bites. A sandwich. I could finish the damn thing in ten minutes. Not a McDonald's Big Breakfast. Not a monster sub. Not a drippy-licky ice cream. My mom once told me she popped a Werther's Original into her mouth on the train once, and some woman snapped at her not to eat on the train.

People, please. There is pettiness, and there is pure ridiculousness. Don't you have anything better to do? Don't you have to earn some money, leave a legacy? Why are you going around picking on people and doing these stupid things?

Singaporeans follow the rules too much. "No Eating and Drinking on the train" means "NO EATING AND DRINKING ON THE TRAIN!!!".

"NOT EVEN A SWEET!!!"

No allowances for that, not even for a guy standing to one side, just minding his own business like me. How about if it was an old woman who looks like she was about to faint due to low blood sugar? How about Lee Kuan Yew? How about a high-flying lawyer? How about... a tourist? Since he clearly insinuated that if I wasn't local I could be forgiven because I didn't know the rules.

You'd better not fucking give me double standards. You want to pick on me, you'd better pick on a tourist too. Since the "rules are the rules".

(Tourists all probably know the fine attached to this rule before they step into this country.)

Look, I was just trying to fill my stomach in the void that is travelling time, which anyone knows could be quite boring. In 20 minutes i could finish a sandwich and be full for the next 3 hours.

Time, to me, is so important, a concept you clearly don't grasp if you decided to snap a photo of me instead of doing something more constructive, like thinking up a new savings or investment plan.

And if you decide to be such a model citizen and be so gung-ho about laws and social righteousness, then you'd better fucking hell make sure if a group of drunk Caucasians or rowdy kids are beating up an old cabbie you'd better go UP there and defend the poor guy.

Do you know how many times this has happened? A woman being mistreated by her husband in public. A poor handicapped man being taunted by a group of kids on a walkway. And yet Singaporeans only know how to stand by the sidelines and watch as the drama unfolds. NOT ONE OF THEM will go forward to offer their aid or assistance.

Instead, all they know how to do is, "EH!! NO EATING ON THE TRAIN!!"

The morals in this country are fucking flipped.

People in other countries need to open their eyes. Every time I hear, "Singaporeans are soo gracious and nice!" I think to myself, "You think? You haven't lived here for more than thirty days. If you do, you'll see the truth."

(Isn't it true? Before 2011, most of Singapore had never voted. And though he got it wrong - you CAN chew gum in Singapore - the BRINGING in of the gum in is a hassle, and they'll treat you as though you were about to commit a heinous crime. Have you ever tried to get through Customs with a plastic bag of Wrigley's?)

In New York, if you need help, people will help you. Because that's how New Yorkers are. In Singapore, if you need help, you'd better hope you have money to fork out in exchange for the aid. If not, they're just going to stand by the sidelines and watch you suffer. No matter how many times you call out, they "wouldn't want to get involved".

But remember, folks, NEVER EAT OR DRINK ON THE TRAIN!!!!!! (Not even plain water!)

P.S. I blame this FUCKING WEBSITE CALLED STOMP.

Encourages people to be petty and constantly be on the lookout for others' faults. It puts forth the notion that you can generate buzz and hype by being nitpicky and fast with your camera phone. You wanna be famous? Do it the Kardashian way and make a sex tape. Don't be a jerk.

The website isn't citizen journalism. It's a forum, yes, it's a place for famous bloggers to talk topics, but calling itself a place for citizen-contributed articles is an incredible misnomer. I have yet to see an article on the website that isn't about someone's food looking lousy or rainbows or eating on the train/sleeping in the Reserved seat. Petty like fuck.

P.P.S. You know that story about the poor young guy who didn't offer his seat up to the 63 year old overweight man with "weak knees"? Firstly, be gracious. If you see someone is in need, stand up and let him have it. Make people happy, comfortable. Make their day, not ruin it. Secondly, even if the guy doesn't let you have the seat, must you smack him on the foot and post his picture all over the Internet? Extreme reaction, much? It's all because of STOMP.

GRACE, Singaporeans. Please keep that in mind as you go about your daily routine today.

The High Road

I take the high road.

I have never lashed, and will never lash out at you, unless you truly disgust me.

Not yet, not yet.

I don't get why we can't be friends.

Didn't we used to get along?

Still I don't contact you now, because I respect your space.

I wonder, what will your reaction be when I ask?

No, beg? You make me beg.

Time and time again -

Your mind works in mysterious ways, leaping across chasms of sense and reasoning.

Silly person.

Come, let's take the high road.

What's the point?

Recently, two of my extremely good friends have gone through break-ups. Very very violent ones, that resulted in sadness and tears and late nights and many text messages and calls. And another friend is in turmoil about his existing relationship.

What's the point of a relationship?

What's the point if all you do is spend your time, your energy, your money and most importantly, your emotions, on the other half, only to have him break your heart in an instant?

To date, the longest one out of these three couples (or ex-couples for two) is six months. Honestly. Can a gay relationship even last a year?

(Of course it can. I know a couple who has been together for 8 yrs now. And my old teacher from photography club has been in a committed monogamous relationship, nay, marriage, for 13 years now. I'm just saying...)

Is there any point to getting into a relationship? It's a lot to go through, a lot of pain. You'll still be sad. Already, being rejected on a date leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

If I want to cry, and be sad, at least I'd want it to be over someone whom I know will be sad and cry for me too. I want it to be over someone I have shared enough of my memories and time with to know it has changed us both for the better.

And you don't know if that's happened. You don't know if he's as sad for you as you are for him. If he loved you as much as you loved him. If things have changed for the better or instead, for the worse. And vice versa.

What's the point?

The (ex-)Facebook Friend

True story:

A few months ago, I went on a date with a guy who, at first glance, was okay. Not a fantastic looker, not a charmer, no usual wicked sense of humor that I enjoy. Basically, not much going for him that attracted me.

But I agreed to go out on a date with him cos when he asked me, I was FUCKING HAMMERED. It was a Friday night, I had drunk a lot, I was at the club, and I was spinning rather wildly around in my pathetic excuse for dancing. I was pining for someone that had recently ditched me rather unceremoniously, and in a sense, I just needed to go out with someone else that wasn't my usual "type".

(Like a rebound, but one which I had a feeling might work out if he turned out to be more than that first impression.) So I was flattered when he said I looked cute, and I thought I would give it a shot.

So to cut a long story short, the date went pretty uneventfully, I was incredibly unimpressed and bored, but by some horny miracle of a chance, we ended up fooling around.

We wrapped it up nicely, and later had dinner and dessert at NYDC, where he had once worked before while he was still in school and juggling studies and being a church counselor. Again, I was incredibly bored. But, hey, I thought, maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe my expectations are high. So I thought I would give it another shot.

To cut a long story short, on Sunday, we met up and fooled around again. I tried to say, NO, i tried to deny him, I basically tried to see if we could do something that didn't involve physical contact. Of course, something in the back of my head, a voice that sounded surprisingly like Cee-Lo Green's, told me "YOU A FOO! Once he's hit gold on the first date, he's not going to settle for anything less!"

So I tried to test the waters. I tried to have a little "proper talk", tried to maybe hold his hand. Nope. Nada. He got scared. And that's when I knew something was wrong with the Clingy Constant.

***

DEFINITION:

The Clingy Constant, noun, an intangible value used when two people are going out. It is defined by finding the difference in the amount of clinginess each person exerts on the other. The lower the Clingy Constant, the more the two people are on the same page and are going in a good direction.

****

It was somewhere in between the first and second dates that he added me as a Facebook Friend. And you know, FB is kinda the go-to place for all this now. Relationship updates, updates on your favorite celebrities, stalking of hot people we've seen in daily media, and general appreciation of your real, actual friends, online friends, and exes.

So fine, whatever. When he started avoiding me, and I had to go to a mutual friend to confirm what I had already suspected, I was pissed and hurt. Pissed because he wasn't a man about this. He didn't tell it to me in my face, or even do an emergency "Oh, my dog just ate a chocolate bar!" excuse during the dates, which would have been more obvious.

(And to be honest, in my own opinion, i had more reason to do the 'fake excuse' play.)

Instead, he did the "I'm not going to reply your text messages or attempts at communication" bit, which pisses me off because I don't know if that means you want to end it or are still interested but are too busy with camp stuff.

I was hurt because I hate being avoided. It doesn't hurt so much if you came up to my face and told me, "You suck! You're too talkative!" Let's be honest: I've heard nearly EVERY single derogative thing you could possibly say to me, and I've laughed them all off, ranging from the funny "Hey, what happened to your screw-on dick?" to the downright insulting "You're such a cheapskate!"

I've laughed them all off, and I've somehow built a defense mechanism that prevents me from getting too close to people. So when you avoid me, you make my mechanism go up. You make me feel worthless and not even good enough for that point-blank rejection.

Now, so after the avoiding bit, and I moped for a short while, life went on. Things got better.

Just now, I was on FB, typing in my best friend's name to wish him a good trip in Taiwan. It so happens that this guy shared a same name with my best friend. And to my surprise, that guy's name did not appear in the Suggested Friends list that pops up when you type into the Search bar.

I went and linked around a little.

Wow. Look at that.

He had UN-FRIENDED me!

BULLSHIT!

I think the Un-Friend move is the worst move you could possibly do to an ex-date or ex-lover. Here's why:

On my Friends list on Facebook, I know at least fifty people that I have never met physically in my entire life. And of these people maybe twenty of them I have never spoken to or interacted with before AT ALL, neither online nor over the phone.

Then there are the "Friends" from my school which I have met maybe ONCE. Maybe Once and they're in my list. I have not spoken to them since school ended, but there they are. Still there.

To UN-Friend me, you're basically telling me things got so bad we can't even "KNOW" each other now. We don't have to be BFFs, we don't have to keep a close connection, but you can't deny we did SOMETHING together. And yet what we did together, the dates we went out on, are so inconsequential that I can't even compare to the random guy who added you on FB just because he played a heads-up game against you on the Texas Hold 'Em Facebook game app?

Now THAT'S truly insulting.

(And it wasn't that bad, all right?)

Yes, I'm like Taylor Swift. Don't be a fucking jerk to me, and I won't talk about you. Fine, granted this is a personal blog with maybe 30-40 views a day, not a hit song selling millions of downloads worldwide, but my point still stands. And I believe that if I wrong you, I'll give you my very own version of "Back to December".

Tell me why

This MP3 was found at Dilandau MP3

For now, however... thanks for nothing, my ex-Facebook Friend.

Singapore 2011

Yesterday WP held a rally near my house. It was crazy, because the roads were congested, and when the rally officially ended there was such a bottleneck of people that no cars moved for about an hour. Buses, as well, were packed to the max.

People all over the world are invested in this election, me included. Now as my close friends know, I ha(d) absolutely no emotional investment in this country. This country, to me, held nothing special in terms of my future, only in my memories and my past as a child. And as we all know, the past is good to remember, but choosing to stay in one place because of it is tantamount to the destruction of your own future.

It would do the People's Action Party (PAP) good to remember that.

Why are citizens speaking out against the ruling party? Why have PAP rallies garnered a few thousand people, but WP and SDP rallies garnered at least TEN thousand people? Why would anyone be an ingrate and go against Lee Kuan Yew, who singlehandedly built this country from scratch?

Because there is respect for Lee Kuan Yew, but NOT his cabinet. Lee Kuan Yew is the man who started it all, but he did not realize that the people he has chosen are too incompetent to carry on his legacy and prowess. Yes, I think he is great. Not many people in the world can bring a struggling baby nation to the well-known economic city it is known as now.

But if there is one mistake he has made - he has chosen people WRONGLY and those people have STIFLED DISSENT.

He has jailed political opponents. Look at the harassment of Jeyaretnam. Look at how he has dealt with Chee Soon Juan. OK, granted, Dr Chee shot his mouth off rather stupidly, but that guy is fearless anyway. He's not afraid of being prosecuted.

Then look at how his handpicked Parliament has denied Sylvia Lim's requests to revise ministerial pay. Sylvia Lim is a smart, strong woman who has on many occasions proven that her views and opinions are relevant to the modern citizen living in ANY city today.

Yet, look at who else is in parliament and heard. THIO LI ANN, one of the greatest pieces of bullshit to ever walk this Earth. Who openly HATES on LGBT people in Singapore, and YET, IRONICALLY, teaches Human Rights in NUS. That woman is brimming with hatred.

A side note on Thio Li Ann: Her story on how God "spoke to her" is FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

"I basically had a sense that God was talking to me. I had stood up to walk out and I heard someone say, 'Stop'. And no one was around me. Everybody was busy doing their own thing. I was one of only one or two Chinese girls in this whole room of ang mohs. And then I just had the sense that I had encountered God, that he knew my name and I was shocked." Thio was quoted as saying in the interview.^[36]

OK, really??

God, with a plate FULL of things to do, ranging from saving people dying in various wars across the world, to engineering wonderful coincidences which result in scientific breakthroughs, decided to somehow have a joke to tell you "STOP!" just so you could hate on 10% - 20% of the world?

REALLY? EGOISTIC MUCH?

You know, I have a better idea of who told you to stop. It was the priest who was standing to the side of the pews, afraid he would lose one more person to listen to him. It was another "ang-moh" - btw we call them Caucasian now, nice of them to have let you study in their country, yeah? - who didn't want that simpering Asian girl to leave so he could have a shot at her.

It is ridiculous, and senseless, and just shows how irrational you are. I mean, God could have made his presence to people. With LIGHT. With IMAGES. With AN ENTIRE SPEECH. It's a church, for crying out loud! His homeground!

With ONE WORD "Stop!" I would, as a rational person, search for a more logical explanation, especially if you used to be the "arrogant, arrogant, atheist" you claimed to have been before.

Yes, that was very well-done, TLA. And it was even more well done, Parliament, when you stomped your chairs and feet to cheer on her disgusting hate speech.

He has not allowed debate for the death penalty, which I find it preposterous to apply on drug criminals. He has not allowed for arts groups to "disparage the Government and its beliefs". Sorry, Tina Fey, you can't come here. Seth Rogen, you spoke the truth, but... oh well, better luck next time!

A terrorist escaped, but all that was given was a half-hearted apology - in a meandering, long-winded way that more likely attributed it to the guy's intelligence.

You are too complacent. You believe that the country is yours by default. You still keep with the beliefs of the 1960s when the rest of the world has moved forward. You think the people will forever be indebted to you. You think you DESERVE the people's votes. This is 2011. People want change. You have been ruling for 40 years. Give it up, let someone else take over. They might pleasantly surprise you. Sylvia Lim is as smart, if not smarter, than Lim Hwee Hua hands down.

The result of that is that... well, we'll see. But all I feel is, none of you is deserving of ANYTHING. Least of all from the people that never had anything to begin with.

The start of a relationship - Part I

How does ANY relationship start? How does it blossom from mere acquaintances or in some cases - which I frown upon - best friends to partners, lovers?

I know there's no manual to this sorta thing, but I'll try to break it down anyway, according to MY OPINION:

Step One: In the case of a genuine love interest (and not just lust), it starts with two people approaching each other with honesty. Telling the other the truth about the past, about how they feel about each other, how they feel about themselves and where they are ready to go from there.

Step Two: Then it's about the communication. My friend Darren said this before, that the start must always be about the avid communication. How is a relationship - friends or partners - going to even get off the ground if there is no back-and-forth?

I know some of you might disagree. It might be clingy. No, clingy is when you demand to know where a person is 24/7 every second of the day and what he is doing. Clingy, to me, is when you plan your future with him including dogs and houses when you've just known him for 2 weeks. Clingy is when you insist on knowing everyone he knows.

All I want, is just plain old communication.

All I'm saying is, "Can we talk?" (yes i stole that from Joan Rivers)

Let's not even talk about the future. It's too soon for that. Let's talk about our shared interests. Television shows. Music. Fun things that happened to us recently. Clubs and parties. Cute animals we love. Let's keep the flow back and forth. Let's keep things interesting and ALIVE.

For example, I text you a nice little chatty bit about the recent book I bought, and I wait. Two hours later, all I get is, "Haha! That's funny!"

OK, so maybe you had valid reasons.

In the case of my best friends: You were sleeping till noon! (Hi Alaric) You were watching a South Park marathon! (yes Marcus) Your phones' batteries were flat. (Hey Issac) You didn't feel your phone vibrate. (I see you Melvin!)

Maybe, very simply, you were in camp, or hanging out with your friends, or watching a movie.

I get it, I understand. For example, Marcus is training to be a 2LT now, and I don't text him on weekdays. Yesterday I messaged him, and he replied back with a response I have come to expect of him. (Good luck in Taiwan man!!)

But as a potential love interest, all you could give me after that is, "Haha! That's funny!"?!?!?!?!

After two hours, after my effort in typing that funny bit out... you reply with 3 words that take all of 5 seconds to type?

Methinks you're not interested in being more than friends. You clearly don't think there's any point in replying. So therefore, something is wrong. Either I'm overthinking it or I didn't make my intentions clear in Step One.

Step Three: So I'll tell you honestly. What I feel is happening, and either you'll agree - "Yeah. You know, you talk too much. Shut the fuck up." OR "Oh no! I didn't think you'd see it that way. I just thought I would listen to you first cos one of us has to be the listener."

And I'd either apologize if I were really into you: "Oh man, sorry. I don't want to come on too strong. I'm backpedalling now."

Or I would thank you. "Thanks for your consideration! It's okay. I can listen too. I bought a new hearing aid recently."

More steps to come... as I think of them along the way!

Remember, Remember

Remember, remember:

The worst thing you can do is become the opposite of who you are.

Not to mean you change 180%. Because I believe that is impossible to do. In the words of my Trash Drag Druggie, Ke$ha, we r who we r. From the start, you ARE who you are going to become.

But the worst thing is to turn your back on someone that loved you/liked you once. To remove all contact with him as much as possible. To be rude to him, not nice and caring. To ignore him on purpose, wherever you meet.

The person whom you broke up with/broke the heart of will watch from afar, wondering what he did wrong. And you will have left a scar in the poor guy's heart, a scar that might ruin an otherwise happy, great person.

In HAPPIER NEWS: Yesterday's BEACHBALL PARTY was fun!

Great crowd, lots of space! One of the reasons I sometimes can't stand clubbing is because of the mild claustrophobia I get in really enclosed, sweaty places. Think a Parisian department store with a winter sale in December. But last night there was a lot of space to just chill, relax, and even dance! I love the feeling of sand between my toes, though now there's sand EVERYWHERE at home!

Robin Scherbatsky was right: "Where is all this sand coming from?!"

However, a disclaimer to those who witnessed me get drunk: I USUALLY can hold my alcohol very well! At my cousin's wedding, I drank six glasses of red wine and white wine and I was still only mildly buzzed, until much later.

I guess i was full then - it WAS a wedding dinner.

Yesterday I didn't eat since 7 pm, and it SHOWED, because after ONE can of Holland's Extra Strong Brew I was out. :(

And unfortunately, there is photographic proof of my inebriation. COMING SOON!

What Happened?

Kathy Griffin said this in her book, "Official Book Club Selection", that is itself a quote from Joan Rivers, "You know, no one knows what's going on in a relationship except the two people who are in it."

So true, from two of my favorite comediennes.

Just now I was on the bus, and two gay guys came on board. It was heartwarming to see them at first, because they both looked similar to each other. What I mean is, they were both wearing black, both quite fashionable, tall and fair... basically the kind of couple that resembles each other.

But they weren't talking to each other. They gave each other mildly cold looks. And when one tried to speak to the other on the seats opposite me, the other kept ignoring him. And then when the bus stopped, the other guy got up and left, and the poor man followed him hurriedly out, grabbed his arm and they started talking in the middle of the street. Last I saw before the bus drove away was how... poetically sad it was.

No one knows what happened in the relationship except the two people who are in it.

So what happened here?

This Is Dedicated to NPH

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Return of Couples Envy

Couples' Envy

DEFINITION: Couples Envy, noun, an illness where you look at the successful, loving couples around you and feel a pang of jealousy in your gut and a sudden need to alleviate it by kissing the guy/girl nearest to you.

After a long time away, Couples Envy finally returned last night in full force at the club!

(But no, I did not kiss anyone near me. First of all I was drunk from Bluespin, which inhibits me actually, and Issac - if ur reading this - do not drink it ANYMORE EVER AGAIN. And secondly I have self-restraint and dignity.)

But last night's Couples Envy was way worse, 'cos Melvin, who used to be my other Swingin' Single Sister (SSS), is now (semi-)attached!

DEFINITION: Swingin' Single Sister, or SSS, noun, a friend who is supposed to be perennially-unattached, a person whom you can bitch with regarding all those couples openly displaying their affections everywhere.

But yesterday! Fuck, man, Melvin joined the dark side! He flipped his alliance! He became a member of that group I mock so openly and cruelly! Him and his squeeze were mooching it up at May Wong's Cafe, and in fact, so were Issac and Marco.

Each couple took up one of those big throne chairs to make out, while I, the wondrous fifth wheel, had to proclaim, "I have a throne chair to myself, so both of you lovey-dovey couples can SUCK IT!" And then I proceeded to flip them all off.

So much for dignity.

It was deja vu all over again, because this happened already ONCE before. Me, the only single person left in the room. I was like Jessica Biel in Valentine's Day.

So of course I had another bout of Couples' Envy, besides the bout of gastric flu I already had going.

Only this time it was worse, because my SSS, Melvin, HAD TURNED ON ME!! Betrayed the alliance. Destroyed the faith the covenant placed in him. Became untrustworthy. I almost put a fatwa on his head right there and then.

Of course I'm happy for him, but I just can't help but to feel jealous and envious. It's natural I think, because it feels as though I'm the last one on the shelf.

(At 19?! What a weirdo, I know, for thinking that.)

But of course, I'm not going to rush things. The Powers That Be have a plan for me, and nature will take its course.

Right now, my greatest concern is to recover from this nasty virus so I can be part of PA Paddle Championships next weekend! On top of that, my cousin's wedding is on Saturday! AS WELL AS Timbre Rock & Roots, featuring John Legend and Imogen Heap! I won free tickets from 987fm!

PA Paddle Championships

Will be very busy this Saturday! Time to rest!

Oh, and fuck love! :)

Cutest Dog EVER!

GOODNESS ME!

Too cute for words.

Dog's FB

Fearless

In life, it's so easy to get scared.

There are so many things that can happen.

"What if you don't make it?"

"What if something bad happens?"

"What if you lose everything that you are?"

And no shortage of people who tell you that.

I believe that is how independence is forged - by seeing the What If, and being forced to live and survive on your own.

And because sometimes you have no one to rely on... it can get pretty rough.

I wonder if sometimes you'll miss your job, family, friends, and the times you've hung out with them, because your heart lies here.

I wonder if you'll get scared because they're not around you.

I wonder if you'll have self-doubts and questions, because the path ahead is so unknown.

All the same... I agree with the belief that in life, you have to get out of your comfort zone, to experience something new, to live life while you are young. God knows I need to move to USA or Canada now, away from this country which I feel is too small for what I want to do.

(If only my parents would agree to do something about it!!)

It's a good thing to want to break free to change your situation. Great things have happened to people who just decided, one day, to pack, move and work hard toward what they want.

Just to name a few: Ashley Isham, Corinne May, Taylor Swift.

I think, in the end, you should just go where your heart desires and where you think is the best for you.

Sometimes it's better to block out the What If. Be confident.

Don't be scared of the unknown, just be cautious of it.

Keep your friends and family in your heart.

Think of the success you'll achieve and what you'll become after you emerge from this, like steel tempered by fire!

To you, I want to say this: Be fearless.

Fearless

This MP3 was found at Dilandau MP3

Independence

Just now I was on the bus, and I heard a young kid and his father talking in the seats behind me.

Well, not so much talking as it was... arguing. And then again not so much arguing as it was the father trying to placate a whiny secondary school kid.

It went something like this:

Dad: "Take this. It'll stop your cough."

Kid: "I doen waannnn..."

Dad: "Just take this. You won't cough so much."

Kid: "I doen liiiiike...."

After a while -

Dad: "Here. Bread."

Kid: "I doen waaannnn..."

Dad: "Eat this. You haven't finished your breakfast."

Kid: "Cannot finish before we reach school waaannnn..."

Dad: "You will go hungry."

Kid: "I eat in school laaaah..."

And then, the kicker -

Dad: "EH! What happened to your project?"

Kid: "I left at home laaah..."

Dad: "Why? I told you to check."

Kid: "I told the maid to put it inside, and she didennnnn..."

I was seriously annoyed by the kid. I cannot stand a whiny voice. I mean, if you want to whine, at least do it in short syllables, not dragging out a damn word for ten seconds.

And the maid thing just pissed me off.

Hello? How old are you?

Firstly, how difficult can it be to put a project into your bag and take it to school? Secondly, if you lose it/didn't bring it, at least accept the responsibility. Did your maid do your schoolwork for you too? How about your exams?

And the father!

Firstly, why in the world are you sending your kid to school? Can't your kid go to school by himself? It's not like the dad was driving the kid to school - they were BOTH taking the bus! Added trouble for you AND the son isn't exactly saving travelling time either! Secondly, why do you keep forcing the kid? It's clear he doesn't want anything to do with your suggestions, so forcing him is just pain for you, the kid, and the commuters around you.

In the end I just changed seat.

Such mollycoddling is just gross.

This comes amid the hoo hah about the SAF soldier letting his maid carry his field pack. Now I don't think I should comment on that - because I'm still in the army - but the standard of SAF soldiers is besides the point.

The point is, no one should carry your burden for you.

It's your field pack, you were assigned to it, so carry it. It's your army commitment, so you either see it all the way through, or find your own way to survive. And whatever happens, u take responsibility for it. Be it regret or joy, or a good mixture of both... it's all yours.

It's the reason I tend to not like sharing emotional stuff with my friends and family. For those people who have known me for some time, I am always the joker. I am the Kathy Griffin, the Margaret Cho, the occasionally vulgar, sometimes-not-funny-but-insulting nonsensical guy, the one you wouldn't like to hang out with for too long but is good in small doses.

You don't see me as the angry one, the one with hatred for general humanity and its prejudices, the one who is confused, the one who is sad, the one who disguises his sadness with poorly-constructed humor.

That's because I don't tell anyone about my sadness.

And of course, because I'm not that kind of a person... I won't go into details. :)

All I'm saying is, you were born alone, and you die alone. Unless you're one half of a Siamese twin.

So you have to be independent! Independence is the one quality that I believe will serve you well. And independence, incidentally, isn't something that you learn from going through school or army. Irene Ang and Steve Jobs never completed university. Most of the girls in Singapore never went through army.

You learn independence by seeing the alternative - the What If.

What if your parents suddenly die? What if all your assets fall drastically in value the next day? What if your parents throw you out? What if one day everyone finds you annoying and hates your jokes - if they haven't already? Who do you rely on?

You might rely on your parent's money, but if given a choice, would you take their money without qualms, or would you consistently think of ways to pay them back?

No one should carry the burden for you. It's easy to let someone else carry, because, after all, they're THERE. But what if one day they are not?

What then?

Fun Saturday

As promised, photos of me volunteering at Red Cross!

The wonderful 7 values of the Red Cross, displayed prominently on the board.

Now, the wonderful thing about these core values unlike many others is that they truly apply to the betterment and improvement of humanity. Especially "universality", which reminds us that we are all human, and in times like the many disasters we have seen across the world - we all need to stand as one and support/help each other.

This is the Red Cross donation room. Very cosy, very comfortable, and there was food for the volunteers. This is definitely a charitable organization.

We see Siew Jin, the finance manager in the blue striped shirt, counting cash with Kyle, in the pure black shirt.

May and me. Her mother and sisters all came down to volunteer! Girl power!

May's mother, Agnes, and me. In a strange coincidence - her job involves her collating the surveys NSFs input into the card scanner at the cookhouse! So everytime you judge the cookhouse food... she judges you! Haha.

In another of God's/Powers That Be's little reminders that I am still in the army, this here is Siew Jin, the finance manager tabulating all donations - and she is a retired 1WO!

OMGZZ.

And last week I remember one of the staff there was a retired COLONEL, who asked me some stuff about my camp and procedures, etc. I really didn't tell him anything... cos IT'S SATURDAY! Let me have this one day away from the army! -.-

The very pretty Yun En and me.

So yesterday, there was no Mari, no Wayne, no Ivy... but even if they came later I wouldn't know, because I left at 3.

To watch one of the most epic movies ever made: Sucker Punch.

Really, my belief is that Zack Snyder studied everything that made past films big hits, took a little from each, and smooshed them together into one mega monster film.

Let's do the count:

1) Hot girls

2) Girls in costumes

3) Guns

4) Knives

5) Robots

6) Zombies

7) War

8) Dragons

9) Flying Machines

10) Asylums

11) Dancing

12) Burlesque Theater

13) Singing

14) Dream-in-a-dream

15) Item questing

16) Extended fight sequences

17) Bombs

18) Twist endings

And when they were done, he probably went, "Hmm... What should I call this movie? Oh I know... something totally irrelevant! SUCKER PUNCH!"

Yes. Indeed.

But it is really a fantastic movie otherwise. Not the most thought-provoking - no psycho ballerinas here - but it will definitely entertain and keep you happy for 2 hours. Oh and I'm definitely buying the Sucker Punch video game when it comes out.

Last thing that made Saturday awesome: I GOT HEADSHOTS!

I actually needed one for my resume and portfolio, but now I have three fantastic ones!! Thanks to CWJ Photography!

Yep! These are good times! The weekend passes way too fast when we're having so much fun!

Have a good week ahead everybody! Mine will be incredibly packed...

Earthquake?

Another earthquake measuring 6.8 on the Richter scale has hit Myanmar.

This just a few DAYS - within the same month - from the earthquake that hit Eastern Japan, and only a few WEEKS from the Christchurch Earthquake.

And WHEN in the world has Myanmar ever had an earthquake?

I believe in the end of the world, but to set it to Dec 2012 was a little too specific for me. I also felt that there should be a lot of omens and disasters that happen to lead up to it, a sort of natural disaster pile up that would culminate in the Earth's ruin in 2012.

Now I feel that it may be possible, because of all these disasters.

Damn...

Volunteering at Red Cross Singapore

Red Cross Singapore official website

Yesterday I spent the entire day volunteering at Red Cross Society Singapore, for Japan Earthquake relief efforts. Red Cross Society Singapore is accepting cash donations for Japanese relief aid - NOT donations in kind - all this week and throughout the next month.

The reason why they can't accept donations in kind is because there are no logistics available for RC Singapore to collate goods from various sources. It takes a lot of time to sort and organize items, and sometimes people donate really useless things like toys and books.

It's almost as if it's spring cleaning, and Singaporeans want to get rid of old things in their house under the pretense of "doing a good deed." -.-

Ways of Donating

It was a wonderful time I had volunteering, and if there was EVER a time that I felt Singaporeans were charitable and kind... it was yesterday.

Examples:

Two mothers came in, on separate occasions, with autistic kids to donate.

Two Bangladeshi workers came in to donate a couple of hundred dollars each.

An entire Mandarin-speaking family came in with an envelope and dropped off close to three thousand dollars worth of money collected from various sources.

A young man donated, and then wanted a donation box to be placed outside his shop.

A China-native came in and dropped off fifty dollars but did not want to be credited despite our insistence due to audit purposes.

A young 4 year-old was led in by her father, clutching a piggy bank, and right in front of us, she emptied its contents to donate to the relief fund.

I was really really touched. I think I teared up a little in the 3 o'clock hour, because there was this entire wave of people who dropped off money repeatedly, and as I thanked them most of them said, "Why are you thanking me? This is what we should be doing."

(Btw, I visited Japan in 2007 during a school trip and it was honestly one of the best trips I have ever had. I agree with Gwen Stefani that Harajuku is one of the most memorable places I have ever visited. So of course I had to volunteer, and I donated money as well.)

I met a couple of great, wonderful people too. No photos here to go up with them - YET - but there was Mari, a wonderful Japanese young woman who was beautiful and articulate. She was truly a global citizen, having had studied in Pennsylvania, parts of Europe and was now working in Singapore. Thankfully her family was on the West Coast of Japan and hence was not hit.

There was Ivy, a Singaporean who, like me, stayed on past her shift. She was funny, cheerful, and she was in the midst of learning Japanese because she planned to visit in December. She had to put her plans on hold... but she swears she will go back very soon someday to help in reconstruction efforts, something I wish to do as well.

There was Wayne, a really great, tough, mature guy whom I honestly liked the first minute I saw him. If I had an older brother I would have wanted it to be Wayne.

OK, funny story about Wayne and me...

Wayne came on the second shift, the shift I stayed on for despite not having signed up for it. When the second shift rolled around, I was supposed to roughly teach people what to do since I had already a few hours' experience to my credit.

This incredibly buffed, tanned guy, wearing a tight muscle polo tee-shirt came in, talking to another buffed, tanned guy, in a long-sleeved shirt, and when I was told they called in to volunteer together, I thought to myself, "Oh, they're definitely gay."

So when Wayne, in his polo tee, showing off his biceps, and his companion came around to me, the first thing I asked him was, "So how long have you two been together?"

He looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"Together?" He asked. "With who?"

The first moment he spoke I thought to myself, Oh shit. He had none of the usual swish a "Muscle Mary" had when talking.

Definition!

Muscle Mary, noun: a really muscular, buffed gay guy who spends countless hours working out in the gym to achieve a phenomenal physique, but when he opens his mouth the voice of a diva comes out. Usually dances with all the manliness of Kylie Minogue.

I tried saving my ass. "Oh, you mean you aren't...?"

His companion, T, looked at Wayne and burst out laughing. "Oh, no! Definitely not, dear!"

OK, so Wayne wasn't gay. Can't say the same about T, though.

They turned out to be only colleagues and they had decided to volunteer together two days before. The final nail in the coffin?

During a break, I overheard Wayne telling T, "Oh, man. I miss soccer so much. I used to be a damn good striker in JC, then I got an injury and my coach shifted me to defender."

Soccer? Gay, schmay.

So by the end of the whole day, I was really impressed with the inner beauty of Singaporeans.

But as I was going home, as if to tell me "Don't get your hopes up", God sent me a little incident.

As I was crossing the road, I heard a shout. Two Singaporean drivers, each in their own wonderfully expensive and well-maintained car, had their windows rolled down and was having a shouting match. I have no idea what they were shouting over - what can you shout over in the middle of the road anyway? - but there were vulgarities thrown about, middle fingers, angry expressions, and at one point in time one driver's friend, who was in the backseat, rolled down HER window to join in the verbal catfight.

Oh God, you are ever the realist.

Anyway, I took two photos with the volunteer organizer Ms Faridah and another Japanese volunteer, Ms Soroyo. When I get them I'll post them up!

Please do come down and help if you can! Next week's slots are all full but you can call now to reserve a place for next NEXT week!

Below: a video from CNN to show just how important our support and help is at this crucial point in time for Japanese citizens!

Volunteer with RC

This Place About To Blow! (Part II)

As promised...

These are the photos we took last weekend while clubbing! (thanks to Issac's blog)

Before hitting the clubs, we headed out to one of the Chinese restaurants nearby for some supper for nourishment! They serve fantastic pineapple fried rice and Szechuan soup!

ISSAC and ME!

MELVIN AND ME (God what a camwhore)

IVAN AND ME... I hate my hair here.

The camwhore strikes again.

Why can't he make a proper face?

ISSAC WITH MARCO, his boyfriend

THE POWER OF THREE (will set us free??)

And... WE'RE IN DA CLUB!

CL AND ISSAC

MELVIN, what are you doing?

I love IVAN'S look here ("what shall I do next?")

Party Animals!

I think it was "On The Floor" got me moving...

ISSAC AND ME all tired out!

MARCO, IVAN, ME, and MELVIN

What songs do I love now?

Jennifer Lopez's On The Floor (feat. Pitbull) --> Currently Billboard No. 5 as of 16th Mar!

As well as my resident Party Girl:

Ke$ha's BLOW --> Currently Billboard No. 10 as of 16th Mar!

These are really good videos. J Lo's video is sexy and hot and shows off her chops at AGE 41, while Ke$ha's video is funny and hilarious! (note the mid-video dialogue!)

(Though of course nothing compares to Lady Gaga's epic videos.)

It's another weekend already? Time passes when you're having fun. Have a great weekend everybody!